February 02, 2025
I used to believe in open doors. I welcomed people in with an unguarded heart, thinking that kindness and love would be enough to keep me safe. But people are cruel they tear through like a storm, and carve wounds so deep that even time struggles to heal them.
So I built walls. Not all at once, not intentionally. It started with small barriers and hesitation before trusting, silence instead of vulnerability. Over time, those small defenses became something stronger, something impenetrable. Now, my walls are high, my gates locked, and I stand behind them, watching the world from a safe distance.
It’s not that I don’t want connection. I do. But the thought of opening up, of letting someone see the fragile parts of me, feels like holding a blade against my own skin. What if they use my truths against me? What if I let them in, only to watch them walk away with my wounded soul like all the rest?
People say walls keep others out, but they also keep me in. And maybe that’s the real fear, not loneliness, not isolation, but the possibility that I may never find the courage to tear them down.
June 21, 2020
You've been great self!
I stumbled upon this old blog of mine, as i was back reading my posts, grabe pala talaga, i was in hell and living with scheming people. I am not in pain anymore but reading those post made me want to tap myself on the shoulder, cry for her, hug her, and say I'm so proud of you! So to anyone who will just meet me, please know that i am like broken pieces put back together, whole but scarred, you may not understand why am i like this like now, but please have an open mind that life was never been easy to me, and I'am just as vulnerable like anyone else.
May 30, 2020
In my next life
When this life was over, i wish to be born again, can i live a happy life next time? I wish I am still a woman, pretty, tall, smart, know how to sing, dance, play musical instrument, and know at least 5 language, it could be Korean, French, German, English, and my native language, whatever it is. I want to be financially independent at the age of 21, at the age of 23 i already own a house and a car, i will travel in Switzerland, Korea, Taiwan, Europe,Japan, and other places i only see in the internet. I want to be wise, and good at everything. I want to meet a man, who will respect and will love me, only me.
I remember when i was young, i already calculated the years i will have a degree, i said to myself, at 19, i will be a registered Physical Therapist, I was full of dreams, until...
Now, i don't know , it seems that darkness has been eating me lately, i felt so unworthy and unloved, and a waste of space, oxygen, I just wanna die.
August 03, 2019
Looking back
Maulan sa labas, malamig masarap mag nilay nilay, I remember having this conversation
Me: masama pakiramdam ko, mamaya na lang wala mga bata walang papakainin si 👿 dito
👿minion: bakit anong sakit mo?
Me: Allergic sa plastic (pertaining to her)😂😂
Naranasan ko na lahat ng extreme emotions, sa sobrang galit ko nuon parang pag nakaharap ko mapapatay ko. I thank God di pa umabot sa ganuon. I was too naive and gullible back then. Sinamantala nila yun para paikutin ang buhay ko sa palad nila. I loved them hanggang sa mga apo, but they betrayed me and did the unthinkable. Pinanakot nila sa akin ang mga anak ko, i was jobless without a single cent in my pocket, i have nowhere to go.
Looking back, malayo layo na din kung ano ako sa dati. I removed them all in my life, minsan may mga communication pero madalang na lang, most importantly, di na nila hawak ang buhay ko.
I am still struggling, still in a constant battle, Many times that i wanted to give up and almost gave up, but i know i had to be strong.. when being strong was the only option.
So please God, stop na ha🙏🙏🙏 quota na 🤗🤗🤗
January 27, 2019
Till Then
November 18, 2012
A beautiful Affair (After All)
After 16 years, I finally got to talk to him again. He was a very good friend during college. Back then, I was in a painful relationship, and he was always there for me when I needed someone to lean on. He listened to all my sad stories, never judged me, never said a word—just held my hand and wiped my tears away.
Our schoolmates thought we were a couple because we were always together, and he was incredibly sweet to me. Sometimes, he would even skip his classes just to take me home, using the excuse that the professor was boring. I would always scold him for that, but he would just smile at me. Then, he would stay at my house, and we would talk for hours. He even called my mom "Mom." Sometimes, our conversations lasted late into the night.
I have to admit—I liked him. Maybe if I hadn’t been in a relationship, there could have been a chance. But I always reminded myself that we were just friends, especially knowing how many girls were after him. I couldn't understand why, whenever someone liked him—especially this sophisticated and beautiful girl—he would point to me and claim I was his girlfriend. I thought she was going to confront me when she came looking for me.
Whenever people asked if we were together, and I said no, he would sulk and say, "Oh, is that so? I see..." I can’t help but smile now, remembering how he used to say that—he was so adorable. And I would always respond, “But it’s true!”—which only confused people more.
One time, a classmate from my last subject of the day offered to walk me home. At that point, my relationship with my boyfriend was already falling apart—I had discovered that he was actually living with someone else. As we were leaving the classroom, I saw him—of course, he had skipped class again. The walk to the transportation terminal was quite far, so the three of us ended up walking side by side. He stayed close to me the whole time. When we reached the terminal, he suddenly spoke up.
“Bro, you go ahead. Where are you headed?” he said, casually putting his arm around me. The poor guy was left dumbfounded.
I scolded him, asking why he did that when my classmate was just being nice. His response? “Why do you need him to walk you home? Just let him go!”
I sighed. “See, this is why people keep thinking we’re a couple.”
As always, he just smiled at me—that smile that let him get away with anything.
Days and weeks passed. He didn’t know that my boyfriend and I had already broken up. Then, our classmate’s debut came. He was supposed to pick me up, and I was excited because, deep down, I was starting to have feelings for him. When the night arrived, he knocked on my door. I opened it with a smile, and he smiled back at me and said, “I brought someone with me.”
I forgot the girl’s name. I just pretended to be okay and smiled at her, too. But the whole night, I felt frustrated, hurt, and disappointed. I took it as a sign not to nurture whatever feelings I had for him. So, I guarded my heart. I built back the walls I had just started to break down.
Slowly, I began distancing myself from him. I even "forgot" his birthday, which made him mad. Eventually, we drifted apart. My ex-boyfriend and I got back together and eloped. I later found out that during that time, he had been looking for me—because he wanted to invite me to his wedding.
Years passed. My marriage was traumatic, I had four children, and I ended up divorced (but that’s another story). We became friends on Friendster, then Facebook, but we never really talked—except for one time when we had a long conversation, reminiscing about the past. We got so caught up in it that the conversation led to deeper topics. He still remembered everything, just as I did.
He was living in another country now, maybe feeling lonely—just like I was. And before we knew it, we found ourselves missing the old days and making plans to see each other when he came home. At first, it was just a friendly meet-up, but as the days passed, things became more intense. He started calling me in the morning to wake me up and at night to say goodnight.
Then, out of nowhere, he said, "I love you."
At first, I didn’t know what to say. But something deep inside me awakened. I liked him—I still liked him. The feelings never really went away. And eventually, I found myself saying, "I love you, too."
From then on, we lived in denial. I was so happy. He made me feel special and loved—feelings I had been longing for, for so long.
Then one day, he said, "Baby, what would you do if you found out I was standing right outside your house?"
He told me he was coming home soon. And suddenly, reality hit me. Hard.
Yes, I was divorced—but he was still very much married.
From that moment on, I constantly felt miserable, knowing we had no future. So, I texted him and told him not to call or message me anymore. I didn’t even know what I really was to him. But we needed to stop before we hurt anyone else. I told him that I treasured all our memories and didn’t want to ruin them—I wanted us to remember each other as we were.
He replied, saying he was happy to have been part of my life during college. And now, he was happy that he finally got to say what he couldn’t back then—that he had loved me all along but never told me because I was in a relationship, and he didn’t want to complicate things.
I cried when I read his message.
I told him about the girl he had brought to the debut. He said she was just like a sister to him and that he had brought her along on a whim. But it didn’t change the reality of our situation now.
Not even a few hours had passed, and he was texting me again. He said he missed me so much that he couldn’t even smile. I knew, because I felt the same way.
I started replying less and less. Then he told me he had rebooked his flight to come home earlier. He was afraid that if he waited too long, I wouldn’t talk to him anymore. I could feel his sadness—he was pleading with me, asking if we could at least see each other one last time. He said I had promised we would meet. And after that, whatever I decided, he would respect and accept.
The truth is—I was scared.
I was scared that if I saw him, I wouldn’t be able to let him go. And I didn’t want that to happen.
He messaged again, frustrated that his return had been delayed by a few more weeks. I worried about him and replied just to calm him down. But then, I heard him planning for our meeting again—planning for "us." He told me he really wanted to be part of my life.
And then, reality hit me again. Harder.
I felt so miserable that I cried.
I told him we needed to stop. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t live in a fantasy any longer.
He kept asking for a chance, but I told him I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I asked him not to text or call me anymore. I even told him not to reply if I ever texted him. I deleted all his numbers and messages from my phone.
But why do I still feel disappointed whenever I look at my phone and see no messages?
I miss him so much.
But I know I have to do this—before things go too far and more people get hurt.
---
I wish I could live forever in a dreamland where you and I could be together.
But reality hits too hard for me to ignore.
We can never be.
Goodbye, my love.
Maybe in another life, we can be together forever. T_T
October 09, 2012
It's just i miss being pursued, being adored and being loved, i was so young when i got married with a man who never treated me close as a human being.. who happened to be the person i gave my heart and soul but saw me as trash. now that i finally let go, decide to gain back myself, and open my heart once again...
i realize how vulnerable i am, to those people who sees me as their prey, those men who only wants to play...
And it saddened me... really.. because they don't know how much pain i endure, how much tears that i cried and how much courage i mastered just to get back on my feet again :(
May 25, 2011
March 19, 2009
Betrayed
It has been a year since it happened,I was accused of having an affair with another man. The accusation was based on someone allegedly seeing me watching a movie with a man and another couple. I was devastated because my husband believed it.
I used to have a four-hour vacant period that I didn’t disclose, simply because I wanted that time for myself to get some extra sleep and review before my second subject. That undeclared vacant period was used against me. From that moment on, everything was taken away from me. My husband took my ATM card and handed it over to my sister-in-law, who now controls our finances. I am left with nothing but ₱100 per day for my allowance.
I tried to endure everything, especially now that my sister-in-law and her family are living with us, me and my four children. My husband, who is in the U.S., is responsible for our food, bills, and other expenses, but my sister-in-law is the one managing it.
Just recently, I discovered that my sister-in-law had been secretly going through my phone, searching for something I don’t even know what. She even questioned her niece, who happens to be my classmate, about certain names that had texted me, including quotes I had received.
Because I had no money and already had a pending pawn even before my husband and I had our conflict, I needed to raise funds to prevent my ring from reaching its due date. I asked my sister-in-law if she could give me my weekly allowance in advance (₱300), since we no longer had duty from Monday to Wednesday. She agreed but told me to ask her niece (my classmate) to lie to my husband if he asked about our schedule. She wanted her to say that our duty would last until the end of the week. My classmate agreed.
However, last Monday, my sister-in-law told me that her cousin (my classmate’s mother) didn’t want to get involved. It seemed like such a big deal to them.
Then today, my classmate told me that my sister-in-law had called their family and instructed them to tell my husband the truth that we no longer had duty. I found it strange since she was the one who initially suggested lying to him.
To make things worse, I found out today that the person who allegedly saw me watching a movie with another man is a relative of my sister-in-law’s friend. Yes, I was there, but I was actually in the SM food court, surrounded by my all-girl classmates.
I feel devastated, betrayed, and hurt. My heart aches with an indescribable pain. I don’t understand what I did to deserve this kind of treatment. Why are they scheming against me?
Back in February, I lost my wallet inside our room, which doesn’t have a lock. Inside the wallet was ₱5,000 meant for my tuition fee. I didn’t know what to think, but I chose to remain positive and refrained from accusing anyone. And yet, this is what I get in return.
I want to cry and scream, but I have no one to turn to. I can’t confront them because I have no proof of their plotting against me. I’m also afraid that Jess (my classmate) might take back her words when the time comes.
I feel so alone in this battle. My husband,the one person who should have been my rock, chooses to believe them over me. I have done nothing but love him. Since I met him, I have never loved anyone else. I endured so much pain, fought for him, and forgave him countless times for all the wrongs he has done.
Why is my sister-in-law doing this to me? Why does my husband always believe her, even when she is so manipulative and deceitful?
I feel so helpless. I don’t know how much longer I can endure this…
January 14, 2009
sadness
I feel so sad right now, like i'm all alone.. i realize na wala talaga akong makakapitan kung hindi ang sarili ko, sobrang hirap magumpisa, kung mabibigyan lang sana ako ng chance.. Ang hirap... kung sana sarili ko lang iniintindi ko, pero may apat akong anak na dapat i consider, bakit kaya ganun? unfair talaga ang buhay, bakit kailangan palaging ako na lang ang may kasalanan, ako na lang ang masama, kahit di ko ginagawa sa akin ang sisi, napapagod na akong masaktan at tanggapin ang lahat ng masasakit na sinasabi sa akin.. Bakit kung sino pa yung talagang nananakit siya pa yung parang pinapaboran ng tadhana? sana bigyan ako ng chance ni lord ... isang chance lang para makapagsimula... yun lang pls...
October 31, 2008
my story
As I looked back and remember those things I’ve done for him, I realized that I’ve done so much, as a matter of fact it's too damn much, I even forgot myself, trying so hardto adapt on what he wants and what he needs, all in my mind was, how to make him happy and how to make him satisfied, when he told me that he doesn’t want a “demanding” and “jealous” girlfriend, never really know what exactly he meant that time, he was my first ever boyfriend and I was too young to know how the real world works, later I realized that what he meant for demanding was, not asking for him to be with you and let him see you whenever he wanted or whenever he feels like it, demanding is when you asked him even once in a while to fetch you in school, demanding is when you asked him to meet you even once in a week, so I was demanding that’s what he says, he said he doesn’t want a jealous girl, jealous for him was not allowing him to date someone else, that you get mad when someone saw him eating out with somebody else (no blood relation) and I was a jealous girl he says.
I remember the first time he broke my heart, my Aunt told my mother that she saw him eating with someone else, the girl was also his patient, and the girl was my Aunt’s neighbor. I felt my hear was stab and twisted I can’t breath, my tears just flow uncontrollably, and I thought it’s too painful for me, never imagine that was just a tip of an iceberg. He explain nonsense and I believed him, it’s easy for me to believe him rather than thinking he really has somebody else aside from me.
One of the biggest heartbreak I had was when I found out that he doesn’t have a girlfriend but a live-in partner, it was really a great shock in my life and really shattered my whole heart and soul, it was November 1995 almost 12 midnight, it was dark because of black out, I was only holding a small flashlight when I answer the phone, I thought it was a prank call from his friends, that time we’ve been together for one and a half year. On the other line a girl ask for me, told me that she was his wife, I was calling one of his friend’s name, thinking it was her, but I was wrong, it’s real. My hands were cold and shaking, I could hardly breathe, it’s like the whole world were crashing and all the debris were on my chest.
How would you feel if you find out that the man you love was living with someone else, no, they are not married, but they are living together for 4 years, no they don’t have a child, but the girl says that they could have if they wanted to, the girl also said that I’m just another girl and I’m lucky that she didn’t come to our house and vent all her anger to me, I told her I didn’t know. I was confused, hurt, humiliated and very much broken hearted. It’s too surreal, I thought it was just a dream, no I wish it was just a dream.
But I woke up each day and realize that it was real, the pain inside me was the proof, I wanted to cry, but I’m afraid my mom would find out, funny isn’t it? I was torn apart and I, still protecting him from my moms outraged. I practice my line, my last words, I kept on practicing, I wanted him to know how much pain he had caused me, how much he betrayed me, how much I hate him for fooling me, that all the while, I’m just his fling? He was my first for heaven sake, I have loved him with all of my heart, how could he do that to me, I never did anything wrong. Then he called… he wanted to see me… so I go and see him…
My heart sank once again as I saw him standing on the door of the emergency room, here was the man I love, the same man who broke my heart into tiny pieces, trying to hide the tears I looked away, I wont be able to see him again, I wont be able to feel his arms ever again, because today I decided to end all of this…
We are seating next to each other, no words in between, just silence, I can’t utter a word, because I was afraid that when I started to speak, I will bawl, yes because my heart is in too much pain, all I want to do is cry. I wanted to say all those words I’ve practice, those lines that would make him feel ashamed and guilty for what he did, but I can’t ... I just stay quiet and wait and wish for him to say “Got cha!” it’s not true, and I love you so much you are my one and only . But those words were not been spoken. Instead I heard him say sorry, sorry he loves me but he can’t leave her, I am the one he loves but he pity her so he cannot leave her, and he asked for some time, he looked at me with those sad eyes, my defenses were all gone, I cant bare to see him sad, I just cant..
So days has pass with that set up, we still see each other and he still lives with her, pathetic right? Yeah that’s what I’am, every time I send him out , when he was about to go home, I look on his retreating back, knowingthere was another girl waiting for him at home, and really… it kills me inside.
There were times when he was with me and the girl will call over the phone and I will heard him say I love you too, I will just excuse myself and go to the bathroom, I don’t want him to see me sad, hurt and crying, I don’t want to burden him, I don’t want to make it hard for him. Yeah pathetic I still think of his feelings over mine. I cherished all the times he was with me, because I know one day and he will be gone, its bittersweet, but most of the time it’s really bitter.
One night he called me on the phone, they were together, he told me he loves me, the girl said”I’ve heard that” they were playing with each other and when she was about to hang up the phone I stopped her, I told her not to hang the phone just yet she said “why?” I said “nothing”. The truth was as pathetic as it can be, staying on the line, that’s the only way I could feel somehow I’m with him.
Things doesn’t turn out good between them, one day the girl left him, and he was devastated, he told me she left because she thought it was me whom he really loves. How could he be so cruel? How could he say those words to me? I told him “why don’t you say it to her?” he just remained quiet. I continue. “I’ll tell her.” He said. “How?” and then that the same moment my heart just broke once again, and I wonder, how those tree letter word could hurt me so bad.
He asked me to go to the hospital where he was working, he gave me her address, he flipped his wallet and says; “Hear she is.” Showing me her picture inside his wallet, “What would you say to her?” he continue. “I will tell her that you love her, it’s her… not me.” And then he said “thank you”. Really I want to scratch his face, but I felt too tired to do that, too tired of being hurt, really it’s tiring..
To be continued….
May 05, 2008
Once again
I reread all my posts once again and realized that nothing has really changed. Well, a lot has changed, but in fact, things have only gotten worse. I feel like I’ve been living a wasted life, drowning in misery, so close to what feels like living in hell.
Years have passed since my last post, yet here I am again. I just finished crying, again. For the nth time, I broke down in tears. Why?
My husband accused me of having an affair with my classmate, based on the claim that someone "saw me in a movie theater with a guy." However, he refuses to reveal the identity of this so-called witness, which makes me question whether this person even exists. According to this unidentified source, I was seen with three other people, and we supposedly paired off in twos to watch a movie. The accusation is completely absurd, nothing like that ever happened. I never went to the movies with anyone! His suspicions grew even stronger when he discovered that I had a four-hour vacant period every Wednesday. I hadn’t mentioned it to anyone because I simply wanted that time for myself.
I used that vacant time to prepare for my next subject, which required extensive reading. I never thought to mention it to him because I never imagined it could be used against me especially since, in my heart, I knew I had done nothing wrong. There was even a time when I shared my schedule with him, and he bluntly responded, *"What would I do with your schedule? Why are you telling me?"* For context, he has been abroad for five years now. During that time, he has had constant flings, and whenever I tried to confront him in any way, he would shut me down and tell me to stay out of his business. He never truly cared about me. He never made me feel like I was his wife. When it came to family matters, important decisions—any decision, really, he never considered my suggestions, my opinions, or, most of all, my feelings. But to continue the story...
He acts like the victim, claiming that I’m the one fooling around while he’s working hard wherever he is right now. In his suspicion, he took my laptop and recovered all the files, searching for anything to prove his accusations. Among the files, he found pictures of my *classmates* emphasis on the *S*. I had been so excited about finally getting my dream phone that I took photos of my classmates to save their pictures in my contacts. That way, whenever they called or texted, their pictures would appear. But he used that against me. And mind you, the pictures he found were all solo shots of my classmates. If he had found even a single picture of me with another guy, even one that wasn’t remotely intimate, he would have accused me and crucified me for it. If that were the case, I would have accepted any punishment without protest.
He used that against me, piecing everything together to fit his own conclusion. Meanwhile, when I once found undeniable evidence of *his* affair, it wasn’t just a rumor or suspicion, I found an actual videotape of him having sex. Just imagine the difference between the so-called “proof” he claims to have against me and the undeniable evidence I had of his betrayal. Yet, his response was to punish me. He took all the bank cards and stopped giving me money entirely, leaving his sister in control of our finances. It’s not even about the money, it’s about the way I’m being treated over something I *did not* do. After everything he has done to me, all the heartache, the abuse, he still managed to twist the story and paint *me* as the bad person. It’s heartbreaking. It’s unfair. And worst of all, there is no justice. None at all.
My husband accused me of having an affair with my classmate, based on the claim that someone "saw me in a movie theater with a guy." However, he refuses to reveal the identity of this so-called witness, which makes me question whether this person even exists. According to this unidentified source, I was seen with three other people, and we supposedly paired off in twos to watch a movie. The accusation is completely absurd, nothing like that ever happened. I never went to the movies with anyone! His suspicions grew even stronger when he discovered that I had a four-hour vacant period every Wednesday. I hadn’t mentioned it to anyone because I simply wanted that time for myself.
I used that vacant time to prepare for my next subject, which required extensive reading. I never thought to mention it to him because I never imagined it could be used against me especially since, in my heart, I knew I had done nothing wrong. There was even a time when I shared my schedule with him, and he bluntly responded, *"What would I do with your schedule? Why are you telling me?"* For context, he has been abroad for five years now. During that time, he has had constant flings, and whenever I tried to confront him in any way, he would shut me down and tell me to stay out of his business. He never truly cared about me. He never made me feel like I was his wife. When it came to family matters, important decisions—any decision, really, he never considered my suggestions, my opinions, or, most of all, my feelings. But to continue the story...
He acts like the victim, claiming that I’m the one fooling around while he’s working hard wherever he is right now. In his suspicion, he took my laptop and recovered all the files, searching for anything to prove his accusations. Among the files, he found pictures of my *classmates* emphasis on the *S*. I had been so excited about finally getting my dream phone that I took photos of my classmates to save their pictures in my contacts. That way, whenever they called or texted, their pictures would appear. But he used that against me. And mind you, the pictures he found were all solo shots of my classmates. If he had found even a single picture of me with another guy, even one that wasn’t remotely intimate, he would have accused me and crucified me for it. If that were the case, I would have accepted any punishment without protest.
He used that against me, piecing everything together to fit his own conclusion. Meanwhile, when I once found undeniable evidence of *his* affair, it wasn’t just a rumor or suspicion, I found an actual videotape of him having sex. Just imagine the difference between the so-called “proof” he claims to have against me and the undeniable evidence I had of his betrayal. Yet, his response was to punish me. He took all the bank cards and stopped giving me money entirely, leaving his sister in control of our finances. It’s not even about the money, it’s about the way I’m being treated over something I *did not* do. After everything he has done to me, all the heartache, the abuse, he still managed to twist the story and paint *me* as the bad person. It’s heartbreaking. It’s unfair. And worst of all, there is no justice. None at all.
April 22, 2006
The truth about love
Have you ever been watched that movie? starring Jennifer love hewitt. The story goes like this, Jennifer and her friend had a some kinda bet, Jennifer said her husband won't ever have an affair outside their marriage, i guess jennifer found something that leads to suspicion, but still she believes that her husband can't do that, so she pretend to be someone , send a card on her husband signed as anonymous, she talked to him over the phone, changing her voice, and they had an affair, so it was confirmed, her husband was having an affair with anonymous, and so the story goes...
I mentioned the above movie because it was recently happening to me.
My husband is flirting on the net with different women, using friendster, yahoo messenger etc. Funny thing is i culd always open his emails and friendster, that made him furious because i found out what he was doing.
his reasons was, he was so lonely there abroad, that was his divertion, sabi ko sa kanya, hindi ka ba pwedeng maglibang ng di nambababae?
sabi niya, malalayo naman daw yun, wala nmn daw masamang mangyayari dahil sobrang layo, ayaw ko daw siyang bigyan kahit konting kaligayahan, bkit daw pinipigil ko ang mga ganun bagay kung saan siya masaya, bakit daw hindi ko siya hayaan gawin kung anong gusto niya.
makitid at sarado daw ang utak ko, at nababaliw na.
siguro nga, minsan pati ako di ko na maintindihan sarili ko, bakit hindi na lang maging madali para sa akin na tangapin na lang lahat ng bagay na ginagawa niya? bkit kailangan pang maging apektado ako, samantalang wala nmn epekto sa kanya masktan man ako.
so i chat, i create an account, pretending to be someone else, he added me on his friendster and chat with me, i know what he likes so , as i expected kumagat siya,
It was two things why am i doing this
1. he said chatting and flirting was the his thing and it makes him happy,
so iwanted to give him happiness, kung naghahanap siya ng ganun, ako na ang magbibigay sa kanya, sa katauhan ng ibang taong inaakala niya,
2. That was the only time, when i am chatting with him with different id, i can hear his thoughtfulness and sweetness, ang lambing niya kay anonymous, samantalang sa akin hindi, he always said he misses anonymous, while he didnt say that to me anymore, he always said i love you to anonymous, while to me i cant feel it, pathetic because sa paraan mang yun, kahit sa katauhan ng iba maramdaman ko man lng yung pagmamahal niya, ganun ako kasabik sa pagmamahal niya, kung alam niya lang.
but still nasasaktan ako, sa daloy ng conversation niya with anonymous, i still felt cheated, tipong how can he said i love u so easily to other people, so i cant see any value of that word anymore, pag sinabi niyang i love u , parang ganun na lang, ganun lang yun,
ngayon lng ka chat ko siya, he was willing na magpadala ng pera para makabili ako ng cellphone, i mean si anonymous, padadala na siya bukas, i can accept that if i want to, pero hindi, kapag akusap niya ako, madami siyang daing, na nahihirapan siya sa work niya, kesyo di ko na daw alam kung kumakain pa siya, kung saan siya kumukuha ng pera, pero he was willing to give money to anonymous...
i always ask myself why i keep on doing this, chatting with him as anonymous pero nasasaktan lang ako, kasi there i always realize what he was doing to me
napapatunayan ko lng sa sarili ko kung ano siya, but i'm afraid pag hininto ko ito, makatagpo siya ng babaeng kukuha nga sa mga offers niya,
i want to scream , i want to die... god knows i been in misery for long
I found out that i have a high blood preassure, i told him and guess what he said.
"Pa insured ka, di ako papayag na mamatay ka ng walang pakinabang ang mga bata."
Gosh how many times did he have to torment me????
I mentioned the above movie because it was recently happening to me.
My husband is flirting on the net with different women, using friendster, yahoo messenger etc. Funny thing is i culd always open his emails and friendster, that made him furious because i found out what he was doing.
his reasons was, he was so lonely there abroad, that was his divertion, sabi ko sa kanya, hindi ka ba pwedeng maglibang ng di nambababae?
sabi niya, malalayo naman daw yun, wala nmn daw masamang mangyayari dahil sobrang layo, ayaw ko daw siyang bigyan kahit konting kaligayahan, bkit daw pinipigil ko ang mga ganun bagay kung saan siya masaya, bakit daw hindi ko siya hayaan gawin kung anong gusto niya.
makitid at sarado daw ang utak ko, at nababaliw na.
siguro nga, minsan pati ako di ko na maintindihan sarili ko, bakit hindi na lang maging madali para sa akin na tangapin na lang lahat ng bagay na ginagawa niya? bkit kailangan pang maging apektado ako, samantalang wala nmn epekto sa kanya masktan man ako.
so i chat, i create an account, pretending to be someone else, he added me on his friendster and chat with me, i know what he likes so , as i expected kumagat siya,
It was two things why am i doing this
1. he said chatting and flirting was the his thing and it makes him happy,
so iwanted to give him happiness, kung naghahanap siya ng ganun, ako na ang magbibigay sa kanya, sa katauhan ng ibang taong inaakala niya,
2. That was the only time, when i am chatting with him with different id, i can hear his thoughtfulness and sweetness, ang lambing niya kay anonymous, samantalang sa akin hindi, he always said he misses anonymous, while he didnt say that to me anymore, he always said i love you to anonymous, while to me i cant feel it, pathetic because sa paraan mang yun, kahit sa katauhan ng iba maramdaman ko man lng yung pagmamahal niya, ganun ako kasabik sa pagmamahal niya, kung alam niya lang.
but still nasasaktan ako, sa daloy ng conversation niya with anonymous, i still felt cheated, tipong how can he said i love u so easily to other people, so i cant see any value of that word anymore, pag sinabi niyang i love u , parang ganun na lang, ganun lang yun,
ngayon lng ka chat ko siya, he was willing na magpadala ng pera para makabili ako ng cellphone, i mean si anonymous, padadala na siya bukas, i can accept that if i want to, pero hindi, kapag akusap niya ako, madami siyang daing, na nahihirapan siya sa work niya, kesyo di ko na daw alam kung kumakain pa siya, kung saan siya kumukuha ng pera, pero he was willing to give money to anonymous...
i always ask myself why i keep on doing this, chatting with him as anonymous pero nasasaktan lang ako, kasi there i always realize what he was doing to me
napapatunayan ko lng sa sarili ko kung ano siya, but i'm afraid pag hininto ko ito, makatagpo siya ng babaeng kukuha nga sa mga offers niya,
i want to scream , i want to die... god knows i been in misery for long
I found out that i have a high blood preassure, i told him and guess what he said.
"Pa insured ka, di ako papayag na mamatay ka ng walang pakinabang ang mga bata."
Gosh how many times did he have to torment me????
January 27, 2006
Last year i've found out that my husband was going gaga over some 17 year old girl, to the point that he was spending money for some magic spells and witch craft for the girl to like him too, I was so hurt, betrayed, disgusted and sad at the same time. I wonder how could he do that? while he was always telling me he had no money to give me and our four children, then i will find out that he was spending money for that crap! how pathetic!, when i confronted him, he didn't admit, and ask the person who told me that if ever I ask that person about that, don't ever admit, but the person told my husband that she already told me everything and she doesnt want to continue that spells, Do you know what hurt the most? he told me that he only did that because the girl was rich and he wanted to lend money, bullshit! what a lie, and he was only doing that thiking our future, how bullshit that can be, I forgive him , when he said that he would stop.
three months after, I found out that he has a son to another woman, eight months younger to my eldest son, I felt so devastated, I can't accept, I almost gone crazy, but in the end I forgive him, because theres nothing for me to do but to accept.
A year after, I notice that he was so eager to talk to his sister, and when he wasnt able to talk to his sister, he was mad and throw his anger to me, one day i can't help but wonder what is it that they are talking about? why he was so work up when he wasnt able to talk to his sister, I 've found out the details about what happened a year ago,
the 17 yrs old girl accourding to my sister in law, and she said it was based on what her brother told her, shows motive to my husband that she likes him, then my husband so full of crap falls in love with her, he even cooked for her, and one day because of the advise of the woman who was doing the magic spells he hug the girl and someone see them and told the girls mother what he did, they got mad at him, and because my husband was under the agency the girls mother own, my husband was fired. till then my husband wasnt able to get a nice job, and me including my children suffer, sometimes my husband will say that he left the agency because he doesnt want me to think about what happened, in other words he again use me as an excuse, (really adding insult to injury) go back to what my sister in law and my husband talking about, my husband always talks about how mad he is, and i think hurt because that girl has boyfriend, and treated him like he had some kind of disease, it hurts me to know that he was jealous and wanted to lessen it by talking to his sister and he gets mad at me when he can't talk to his sister.
BTW my husband was planning to file a divorce because according to him that was the only thing he can do to have legal papers, at first i didnt agree, but he told me i was being selfish, and self centered, i have no choice but to agree, he even told me that the lawyer said that the possible grounds must because i have a third party and the custody of the children should be given to him, he told me that it was just a phony, but i can't accept that.
I feel so wrench right now, i dont know what to do, and to think, yesterday i found out that my dad has cancer and needed big amount of money for the treatment, im the eldest but I can't do anything, I felt that the world is crashing right in front of me, and all i can do is to wait for my last breath.
three months after, I found out that he has a son to another woman, eight months younger to my eldest son, I felt so devastated, I can't accept, I almost gone crazy, but in the end I forgive him, because theres nothing for me to do but to accept.
A year after, I notice that he was so eager to talk to his sister, and when he wasnt able to talk to his sister, he was mad and throw his anger to me, one day i can't help but wonder what is it that they are talking about? why he was so work up when he wasnt able to talk to his sister, I 've found out the details about what happened a year ago,
the 17 yrs old girl accourding to my sister in law, and she said it was based on what her brother told her, shows motive to my husband that she likes him, then my husband so full of crap falls in love with her, he even cooked for her, and one day because of the advise of the woman who was doing the magic spells he hug the girl and someone see them and told the girls mother what he did, they got mad at him, and because my husband was under the agency the girls mother own, my husband was fired. till then my husband wasnt able to get a nice job, and me including my children suffer, sometimes my husband will say that he left the agency because he doesnt want me to think about what happened, in other words he again use me as an excuse, (really adding insult to injury) go back to what my sister in law and my husband talking about, my husband always talks about how mad he is, and i think hurt because that girl has boyfriend, and treated him like he had some kind of disease, it hurts me to know that he was jealous and wanted to lessen it by talking to his sister and he gets mad at me when he can't talk to his sister.
BTW my husband was planning to file a divorce because according to him that was the only thing he can do to have legal papers, at first i didnt agree, but he told me i was being selfish, and self centered, i have no choice but to agree, he even told me that the lawyer said that the possible grounds must because i have a third party and the custody of the children should be given to him, he told me that it was just a phony, but i can't accept that.
I feel so wrench right now, i dont know what to do, and to think, yesterday i found out that my dad has cancer and needed big amount of money for the treatment, im the eldest but I can't do anything, I felt that the world is crashing right in front of me, and all i can do is to wait for my last breath.
September 06, 2005
Fuck You!
My twins birthday is on wednesday, my husband was the one who was telling me to buy something for the two, now that I told him i need money, he cursed me and throw badwordson me, how long does 2500PHP can last for a family of six, plus baon and other expenses, does he expecting na umabot ng one month yun? I know he's sacrifices, i know his hardship, but is that enough reason para lait laitin niya ako, at mura murahin? Fuck! he took me so young and he expected me to produce money? I didnt finish my college because he got me pregnant when i was seventeen, while he was on the other hand already thirty-five years old then, I was the sole caretaker of my four kids, how am i supposed to look for an income, with those kids tagging on me? he could got someone na may pera na, it was his fault isa siyang cradle snatcher, mahilig siya sa bata,He never treated me as a wife, turing niya saakin yaya lng ng mga anak niya, i told him payag na akong magasawa siya, to hell with him! what's the difference! para na rin lumaya na ako, i needed to be free.....
September 05, 2005
Chapter III
My current mood:
Chapter III
Monday, check up ni gina pumunta siya sa OPD, siya ang duty, tinimbang ni thor si gina kinunan ng BP at iba pa, after niyang timbangin si gina may inabot siyang papel dito.
Binuklat agad ni gina ang papel dahil bka may laman n nmn itong pera, pero isa pala itong note.
"I'm staring at you right now.... God you're so pretty!"
Pag lingon niya ay nakaupo sa isang monoblock chair si thor at nakatingin nga sa kanya. She felt her face flushed. Pagkatapos ng check up na yun, naulit pa ang mga pagtawag tawag ni thor at pagdalaw kay gina, Isang hapon dinalaw ni thor si gina sa bahay, tinanong nito kung may chance ba siya kay gina, rank from 1 to 10 ano daw ang standing nito. sabi ni gina 7 pero hindi satisfied si thor sa 7, at sabi pa nito, hindi daw ito naniniwala sa long courtship. Mahabang katahimikan ang bumalot sa kanilang dalawa. mayamaya ay nagsalita si gina.
"Sa totoo lng hindi ko talaga alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko para sayo, inaamin ko magaang ang loob ko sayo, pero di ako sigurado kung ang pakiramdam na yuon ay pagmamahal bilang girlfriend at boyfriend, maaring turing kapatid o tito kaya." Paliwanag ni Gina, ang totoo wala pa sa isip niya ang pagkakaroon ng boyfriend sa edad niyang katorse, wala pa siyang plano.
Umalis ng hapon na yun si thor, naghiwalay sila ni gina na alam nilang tapos na, na hanggang duon na lng sila.
Kinuwento ni gina sa mommy niya ang mga pangyayari.
"Ayaw mo ba sa kanya?" tanong ng mommy niya.
"Hindi nmn sa ayaw, pero di ko rin siya type." sagot nmn niya.
"Hindi ka ba nanghihinayang sa kanya, tapos na ng pagaaral at may disenteng trabaho, kaysa nmn sa kasing edad mo."
"Ewan ko ba, di na babalik yun."
"Bakit di mo subukan, subukan mong magboyfriend, para alam mo diba." Sabi ng mommy niya.
"Pero hindi na babalik yun my,"
"Ako bahala, basta pag bumalik sabihin mo sinasagot mo na siya , okay?"
Nagkibit balikat lamang si gina, sa totoo lang medyo naexcite siya sa sinabi ng mommy niya, marami siyang classmate na tinatago at nililihim ang pakikipagrelasyon sa mga magulang, eto siya at ang mismong mommy niya pa ang nagbibigay basbas na makipag boyfriend siya, sino siya para tumangi sa bagong karanasang iyon, bagaman si John pa rin ang gusto niya.
July 4, 1994, 12 pm Martes dumating si thor sa bahay nila,
"Pumunta mommy mo sa hospital."
"Anong sabi?"
"Sinabi na nanalo daw ako sa karera."
"Karera?"
"OO, sabi ko nga, hindi ho misis."
"tapos?"
"sabi niya, 'nanalo ka pala kay gina'"
"Ganun?"
Tumahimik silang dalawa.
"Mahal mo ba ko?" tanong ni thor.
Tinaas ni gina ang dalawang kilay niya bilang pagsagot. nakita niyang ngumiti si thor.
Magkatabi sila sa upuan sa sofa sa ilalim ng hagdanan, breaktime lang nila thor , humarap sa kanya si thor at hinalkan siya sa labi,
Pakiramdam ni gina gusto niyang umiyak, hindi ang inaasahan niyang tulad ng mga nasa pocketbook ang naramdaman niya, yung bang parang may fireworks, gusto niyang umiyak , dahil nahalikan na siya, kahit dampi lang, pakiramdam niya di na siya karapatdapat kay John dahil may nakauna ng halik sa kanya.
Di siya nagpahalata pero natigilan siya, hanggang sa magpaalam si thor sa kanya para bumalik sa hospital.
Pagkaalis ni thor ay nagpakuwento sa kanya ang mommy niya, kinuwento niya na nahalikan siya at gusto niyang maiiyak, sabi ng mommy niya okay lng daw yun.
-------------
Huwebes ng hapon, bisita niya si thor, nakikinig sila ng music, ng halikan siya ulit, nanlaki ang mata ni gina ng bigla na lng damhin ni thor ang kanyang dibdib, tinulak niya ito at umiyak siya, pakiramdam niya ay nabastos siya.
Nasa kabilang upuan siya at patuloy na umiiyak, humihingi naman ng sorry si thor inabot nito ang panyo sa kanya, nakita ng mommy ni gina na umiiyak siya, tinanong ng mommy niya si thor kung bakit, sagot naman ni thor, "Ewan ko po sa kanya.."
Nangako si thor na hindi na daw niya uulitin, not without her consent na para bang siguradong sigurado ito na sa susunod ay papayag na si gina.
-------
Chapter III
Monday, check up ni gina pumunta siya sa OPD, siya ang duty, tinimbang ni thor si gina kinunan ng BP at iba pa, after niyang timbangin si gina may inabot siyang papel dito.
Binuklat agad ni gina ang papel dahil bka may laman n nmn itong pera, pero isa pala itong note.
"I'm staring at you right now.... God you're so pretty!"
Pag lingon niya ay nakaupo sa isang monoblock chair si thor at nakatingin nga sa kanya. She felt her face flushed. Pagkatapos ng check up na yun, naulit pa ang mga pagtawag tawag ni thor at pagdalaw kay gina, Isang hapon dinalaw ni thor si gina sa bahay, tinanong nito kung may chance ba siya kay gina, rank from 1 to 10 ano daw ang standing nito. sabi ni gina 7 pero hindi satisfied si thor sa 7, at sabi pa nito, hindi daw ito naniniwala sa long courtship. Mahabang katahimikan ang bumalot sa kanilang dalawa. mayamaya ay nagsalita si gina.
"Sa totoo lng hindi ko talaga alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko para sayo, inaamin ko magaang ang loob ko sayo, pero di ako sigurado kung ang pakiramdam na yuon ay pagmamahal bilang girlfriend at boyfriend, maaring turing kapatid o tito kaya." Paliwanag ni Gina, ang totoo wala pa sa isip niya ang pagkakaroon ng boyfriend sa edad niyang katorse, wala pa siyang plano.
Umalis ng hapon na yun si thor, naghiwalay sila ni gina na alam nilang tapos na, na hanggang duon na lng sila.
Kinuwento ni gina sa mommy niya ang mga pangyayari.
"Ayaw mo ba sa kanya?" tanong ng mommy niya.
"Hindi nmn sa ayaw, pero di ko rin siya type." sagot nmn niya.
"Hindi ka ba nanghihinayang sa kanya, tapos na ng pagaaral at may disenteng trabaho, kaysa nmn sa kasing edad mo."
"Ewan ko ba, di na babalik yun."
"Bakit di mo subukan, subukan mong magboyfriend, para alam mo diba." Sabi ng mommy niya.
"Pero hindi na babalik yun my,"
"Ako bahala, basta pag bumalik sabihin mo sinasagot mo na siya , okay?"
Nagkibit balikat lamang si gina, sa totoo lang medyo naexcite siya sa sinabi ng mommy niya, marami siyang classmate na tinatago at nililihim ang pakikipagrelasyon sa mga magulang, eto siya at ang mismong mommy niya pa ang nagbibigay basbas na makipag boyfriend siya, sino siya para tumangi sa bagong karanasang iyon, bagaman si John pa rin ang gusto niya.
July 4, 1994, 12 pm Martes dumating si thor sa bahay nila,
"Pumunta mommy mo sa hospital."
"Anong sabi?"
"Sinabi na nanalo daw ako sa karera."
"Karera?"
"OO, sabi ko nga, hindi ho misis."
"tapos?"
"sabi niya, 'nanalo ka pala kay gina'"
"Ganun?"
Tumahimik silang dalawa.
"Mahal mo ba ko?" tanong ni thor.
Tinaas ni gina ang dalawang kilay niya bilang pagsagot. nakita niyang ngumiti si thor.
Magkatabi sila sa upuan sa sofa sa ilalim ng hagdanan, breaktime lang nila thor , humarap sa kanya si thor at hinalkan siya sa labi,
Pakiramdam ni gina gusto niyang umiyak, hindi ang inaasahan niyang tulad ng mga nasa pocketbook ang naramdaman niya, yung bang parang may fireworks, gusto niyang umiyak , dahil nahalikan na siya, kahit dampi lang, pakiramdam niya di na siya karapatdapat kay John dahil may nakauna ng halik sa kanya.
Di siya nagpahalata pero natigilan siya, hanggang sa magpaalam si thor sa kanya para bumalik sa hospital.
Pagkaalis ni thor ay nagpakuwento sa kanya ang mommy niya, kinuwento niya na nahalikan siya at gusto niyang maiiyak, sabi ng mommy niya okay lng daw yun.
-------------
Huwebes ng hapon, bisita niya si thor, nakikinig sila ng music, ng halikan siya ulit, nanlaki ang mata ni gina ng bigla na lng damhin ni thor ang kanyang dibdib, tinulak niya ito at umiyak siya, pakiramdam niya ay nabastos siya.
Nasa kabilang upuan siya at patuloy na umiiyak, humihingi naman ng sorry si thor inabot nito ang panyo sa kanya, nakita ng mommy ni gina na umiiyak siya, tinanong ng mommy niya si thor kung bakit, sagot naman ni thor, "Ewan ko po sa kanya.."
Nangako si thor na hindi na daw niya uulitin, not without her consent na para bang siguradong sigurado ito na sa susunod ay papayag na si gina.
-------
I am a Scorpio.
(Also known as "Scorpion")
My Horroscope starts like this:
" Scorpios are highly dangerous, even at a distance. They cheat and lie, live for intrigue, and take pleasure in destroying. " (Read more | Find yours)
(Also known as "Scorpion")
My Horroscope starts like this:
" Scorpios are highly dangerous, even at a distance. They cheat and lie, live for intrigue, and take pleasure in destroying. " (Read more | Find yours)
February 13, 2005
Chapter II
Boring ang summer 1994, Sobrang bad trip si gina, kundi ba nmn eh plaging brown out! wla pa nmn siyang mapasyalan,At ito pa ngayon ay sasagala siya, nakalakihan na niyang kasali sa sagala ng lugar nila, wala pa siyang isusuoot, sa tulong ng kanyang tita ay makakahiram siya sa isang mananahi. Sakay sila ng jeep biyaheng divisoria, ng mapansin niyang halos lahat ng kalalakihan ay nakatitig sa kanya, may grupo pa ng kabataan na inaalaska ang kasama nila. "Pare natapat ka lng sa aircon para ka ng bato diyan, kumurap ka nmn!" alam niya na siya ang tinititigan ng mga ito, normal na ang mga ganung pangyayari, kaya nagtataka siya kung bakit si jojo ay forever deadma siya, kasi bukod sa nanay niya, marami rin nmng nagsasabi na maganda siya, isa pang pagpapatunay na kasali siya palagi sa mga sagala. Dumating ang gabi ng sagala, pagkakataon na niyang rumampa at mapansin ni jojo, kahit masakit ang paa okay lng kasi marami sa mga nanuod ang nagpahiwatig ng paghanga sa kanya, ang mga walang magawang expectator ay niraranguhan pa ang mga kasali, pag dating kay gina may narinig siya "Eto Ms. Belgium." flatter nmn siya siyempre, kasi ng taon na yun sa pilipinas ginanap ang ms universe, at si Ms. Belgium ang isa sa mga favorites. Peroa ng isa sa pinaka magandang comment na narinig niya ay ang galing sa kapatid ni jojo na babae na "Maganda pala siya!" hindi nga lng niya alam kung isa ba yung complement o insulto, pero dahil sa mukhang sincere naman at walang halong panguuyam ang tinig nito, na flattered na lng siya, pero ewan lng niya kung nasan si jojo, nakita kaya siya nito? o deadma pa rin.
Natangap na rin niya ang letter from PUP, naka pasa siya at sa susunod na dalawang lingo ay mag eenroll na sya, di pa rin siya desidido kung anong kurso ang kukunin niya, sa totoo lng pangarap niyang maging nurse, ewan niya ba kung bakit, basta gusto niyang maging nurse, gusto niya rin maging writer, romance novel ba, yung mga tipong ganun, hilig niya kasing magbasa ng pocket book, pero sabi nga gutom nga daw dun, so disregard the idea, so she decided na nursing, kaso sa PUP siya mag eenroll at walang nursing duon, so sabi ng tita niya na grumaduate din duon na banking and finance na lng ang kunin niya. Minsan nanuod siya ng bay watch, may na injured sa mga life guard, at naisip niya na parang gusto na lng niyang mag physical therapist, kasi feeling niya magkakaron siya ng pasyente ng kasing gwapo nung life guard at in demand yun nung time na yun, dahil medyo crowded na nung ang nursing, medyo limited ang tinatangap, pero wala ngang medical course sa PUP, so nauwi pa rin siya sa banking and finance.
Isang araw kinakailangan ng lola niya na magpa check up, at sabi ng doctor na kailangan nitong bumalik kinabukasan para kunan dugo para sa FBS or fasting blood sugar, so kailangan ng lola niya na from 12am walang laman ang tiyan, nag papacheck up ang lola niya sa bagong bukas na hospital ng gobyerno sa kanto lng malapit sa kanila, walking distance lng, kinabukasan sinabi ng nanay niya na puntahan ang lola niya sa hospital para sunduin at baka mahilo, paalis pa lng siya ng makita na niya ito, "La, nakuhanan ba kayo ng dugo?" salubong niya dito, umiling ito at naupo sa sofa, "hindi! nahihilo na ako di ko na kaya ang gutom." lumapit si gina "Ganun ba? papunta na sana ako dun, anong sabi sayo ng doctor?"
"di na ako natingnan, ang haba kasi ng pila eh, pero nakausap ko yung nurse, mabait."
"Anong sabi?"
"Bumalik daw ako ulit, at agahan uunahin na daw niya ako"
"ganun ba , eh di okay, anong pangalan nung nurse?"
"Di ko nakuha eh, pero tanda ko mukha, yung lalaking nasa OPD kumukuha ng timbang."
"Sige bukas na lng ulit tayo punta."
"Ay ayoko na muna, saka na lang."
"La, ayan ka na nmn , gumana n nmn pagka allergic mo sa check up."
"Basta saka na lng."
"Ok fine!"
----------------------------
Monday alas singko pa ln gising na si gina, ready na siya para magenrol
"Gina dalhin mo tong tinapay at coleman, siguradong mahaba pila bka di ka na makakain."
"La yan ang gusto ko sayo girl scout ka, salamat!"
Katulad nga ng inaasahan maghapon siyang pumila para mag enrol,umuwi siyang pagod ngunit fulfilled naman dahil natapos niya ang lahat ng kailangan, maghihintay na lng siya ng june para sa pasukan.
---------------------------------
May 25, 1994 Masama ang pakiramdam niya, nilalagnat siya ng mataas , sumusuka at ang sakit ng katawan niya, para pang may nakadagan sa dibdib niya, ilang araw na siyang ganun pero di pa rin siya gumagaling, napagpasyahan nilang magpatingin sa ospital na bagong bukas lng, maaga silang nagpunta dun, parang sila pa lng ata ang pasyente sa Out patient department, kasama niya ang nanay niya at si ricky, si ricky ay ang ilang taon ng umuupa sa isang kuwarto nila sa bahay, isa itong bading ngunit di halata nursing student ito.
Nagdidilim na ang paningin ni gina, at pakiramdam niya nasusuka siya, ng biglang dumating yung nurse na lalaki na naka assign sa OPD,
"Ano pong nangyari sa kanya?"
"Eto kasing anak ko nilalagnat saka nahihilo."
"tara ho dalhin natin siya sa Emergency room."
Akay akay si gina ng nanay niya at ricky, halos buhatin na siya ni ricky dahil lambot na lambot na siya, hiniga siya sa kama, at pinalibutan ng nurse pinunasan sya ng malamig na tubig na may yelo, at ininjectionan ng kung ano, habang nakatingin namn ang doktora sa kanya. pag kalipas ng ilang sandali , nagsubside na ang lagnat niya,lumapit sa kanya ang nurse na naka assign kanina sa OPD, sa tingin niya ay kamukha ito ni doogie howser, yung bang 16 years old doctor sa series, lumapit ito at binigyan siya ng calling card, pag may problema daw ay tawagan lng siya, umalis ito ulit at nirekomenda ng doctor na i confine siya,
Dahil bago ang ospital may mga advantage at disadvantage, advantage? dahil bago wala pa masyado pasyente, kaya solo niya ang kuwarto, disadvantage? dahil bago ang ospital wala pang elevator, at ang kuwarto ay nasa third floor, sa panghihina niya pakiramdam niya ay 20 floor ang inakyat niya, ayaw niya namang mag pa stretcher dahil takot niyang mahulog.
Nasa kama na siya, bago mag alas singko ay umakyat ulit si 'doogie howser'
"Hello! kamusta na pakiramdam mo?"
"Eto, okay ng konti kaysa kanina."
"Ahm...Boyfriend mo ba yung kasama mo kanina?"
Muntik na siyang masamid , dahil sa pagaakala nitong boyfriend niya si ricky.
"Hindi, hindi ko siya boyfriend."
Lumawak ang pagkakangiti nito. "Ah ganun ba? akala ko kasi...ahm pwede ko bang malaman number mo sa bahay? alam mo na para mangamusta.."
"wala kaming telepono sa bahay eh.."
"Ganun ba? ahm saan kita pwedeng makontak?" (di pa uso ang zero bocklog nun at cellphone, beeper pa lng nun heheheh)
"Hmmm may kapitbahay kami na kapag may importanteng tawag dun namin pinapatawag"
"Tlaga? pwede bang malaman?"
"Okay 212732." (6 numbers pa lng nun)
"Okay sige magpahinga ka na, mag ta time out na ako."
"Bye thanks."
-----------------------
Parusa ang gamot na nilalagay sa dextrose niya, ito ay ang chlorampenicol, malapot ito kaya nmn pag dumaloy na sa ugat napakasakit, parang sasabog ang ugat niya, mabuti na lamang at considerate yung nakatoka sa kanyang nurse si nick, inuunti unti nito ang pagdaloy ng gamot habang hinahaluan ng dextrose bukod pa sa tlaga namang cute ito, bad trip nga lng at nasa ganung sitwasyon siya, bukod sa di pa siya naliligo at itoy parang laging mabango.
Na confine si gina ng friday at lumabas na rin siya ng sunday, thypoid fever ang sakit niya, bunga ng sobrang hilig sa fishball, sago't gulaman at inihaw, pinatuloy na lamang ang gamot sa bahay, orally na ang intake kaya okay na sa bahay.
Naisip niya si 'doogie' mondays to friday pla ang pasok sa OPD kaya pla di na siya ulit nito na bisita, malamang at kutob niyang type siya nito, amoy na amoy niya eh. she wonder kung tatawag ba ito, martes nakaupo siya sa tabi ng bintana malapit sa bahay ng kapitnahay nila, voila! maya maya tinatawag na siya nito at may phone call daw, siyempre na excite siya, wala nmng ibang tatawag sa kanya kundi ito, napagalaman din kasi nito na lola niya yung lola niya na naudlot magpakuha ng FBS, at ito nmn ang tinutukoy ng lola niya na mabait na nurse.
Napagdesisyunan ni thor, yun ang name ng nurse, na bisitahin siya at the same time kunan ng FBS lola niya sa bahay, home service pa at free of charge, tinuro niya ang daan, malay ba namn niya na uulan magdamag, at pag umulan duon ay lubog ang daanan na yun, 6:30 am dumating si thor sa bahay nila, nakasuot ito ng polo shirt na light blue at maong nakatupi hangang tuhod at hawak nito ang 2 rubber shoes, nalubog pala ito sa kanal dahil di nito nakita ang kanal, ang tubig kasi ay hangang tuhod ang baha, pinigil niyang matawa ng malakas sa itsura nito, mukha kasi itong basang sisiw, pero medyo naawa naman siya,.
Pinag almusal niya ito at pagkatapos ay kinunan na ng dugo ang lola niya, pati na rin siya, infairness magaan ang kamay nito,
"Sorry ha, di ko akalain na uulan kagabi, nalubog ka pa tuloy."
"Oo nga eh, kasalanan mo, dun pa sa mataas ang baha mo ako pinadaan." he said with a hint of smile on his lips.
nagkatawanan na rin sila , nalaman kasi nito na may mas madali pa lng daan kesa duon
nakaupo ito sa mahabang sofa , siya nmn ay sa maliit, kung ano anong kuwentuhan ng lola niya , nanay niya, siyempre good shot ang mokong , sino ba nmn ang hindi matutuwa sa ginawa niya, habang binubuko buko naman siya ng nanay at lola niya, kesyo tamad daw siya at kung ano ano pa, ngingiti- ngiti lng naman ang loko.
nang mapagisa sila,
"I love you" he mouthed the words.
she raise her brow, "mamaya magalit ang girlfriend mo."
"Wala akong girlfriend."
"Ows? ilang taon ka na?"
"24"
"AHhh."
Kung ano ano pang usapan, nang bigla siyang may hinagis, PERA!!!
"Para san to?" gilalas niyang tanong
"Wala lng, di kasi ako nakabili ng pasalubong."
"No need," then she turn it back.
Bumaba sila ng bahay, kung saan nandun yung isa pang bahay, dahil may kinuha sila dun,nang makuha na nila, lumabas na ulit sila at nilock niya na ulit ang pinto, then when she turn around to face him , she was shock from what he did, kinabig siya nito payakap, she fidgeted!then push him away
"What are you doing?!!"
"I'm sorry, gusto ko lng iparamdam sayo ang nararamdaman ko."
"ayoko na sanang maulit yun."
"Promise, not without your permission." he smiled.
She glared at him.
She send him on the door,
"So sa monday na lng, kita tayo sa check up mo."
"Okay!"
"See you!"
" see you!"
---------------------------------------------
She wonder, how could he easily say i love you, when he just knew her for a while? and hugging her? and the money? she shook her head what is he up to?
to be continued...
Natangap na rin niya ang letter from PUP, naka pasa siya at sa susunod na dalawang lingo ay mag eenroll na sya, di pa rin siya desidido kung anong kurso ang kukunin niya, sa totoo lng pangarap niyang maging nurse, ewan niya ba kung bakit, basta gusto niyang maging nurse, gusto niya rin maging writer, romance novel ba, yung mga tipong ganun, hilig niya kasing magbasa ng pocket book, pero sabi nga gutom nga daw dun, so disregard the idea, so she decided na nursing, kaso sa PUP siya mag eenroll at walang nursing duon, so sabi ng tita niya na grumaduate din duon na banking and finance na lng ang kunin niya. Minsan nanuod siya ng bay watch, may na injured sa mga life guard, at naisip niya na parang gusto na lng niyang mag physical therapist, kasi feeling niya magkakaron siya ng pasyente ng kasing gwapo nung life guard at in demand yun nung time na yun, dahil medyo crowded na nung ang nursing, medyo limited ang tinatangap, pero wala ngang medical course sa PUP, so nauwi pa rin siya sa banking and finance.
Isang araw kinakailangan ng lola niya na magpa check up, at sabi ng doctor na kailangan nitong bumalik kinabukasan para kunan dugo para sa FBS or fasting blood sugar, so kailangan ng lola niya na from 12am walang laman ang tiyan, nag papacheck up ang lola niya sa bagong bukas na hospital ng gobyerno sa kanto lng malapit sa kanila, walking distance lng, kinabukasan sinabi ng nanay niya na puntahan ang lola niya sa hospital para sunduin at baka mahilo, paalis pa lng siya ng makita na niya ito, "La, nakuhanan ba kayo ng dugo?" salubong niya dito, umiling ito at naupo sa sofa, "hindi! nahihilo na ako di ko na kaya ang gutom." lumapit si gina "Ganun ba? papunta na sana ako dun, anong sabi sayo ng doctor?"
"di na ako natingnan, ang haba kasi ng pila eh, pero nakausap ko yung nurse, mabait."
"Anong sabi?"
"Bumalik daw ako ulit, at agahan uunahin na daw niya ako"
"ganun ba , eh di okay, anong pangalan nung nurse?"
"Di ko nakuha eh, pero tanda ko mukha, yung lalaking nasa OPD kumukuha ng timbang."
"Sige bukas na lng ulit tayo punta."
"Ay ayoko na muna, saka na lang."
"La, ayan ka na nmn , gumana n nmn pagka allergic mo sa check up."
"Basta saka na lng."
"Ok fine!"
----------------------------
Monday alas singko pa ln gising na si gina, ready na siya para magenrol
"Gina dalhin mo tong tinapay at coleman, siguradong mahaba pila bka di ka na makakain."
"La yan ang gusto ko sayo girl scout ka, salamat!"
Katulad nga ng inaasahan maghapon siyang pumila para mag enrol,umuwi siyang pagod ngunit fulfilled naman dahil natapos niya ang lahat ng kailangan, maghihintay na lng siya ng june para sa pasukan.
---------------------------------
May 25, 1994 Masama ang pakiramdam niya, nilalagnat siya ng mataas , sumusuka at ang sakit ng katawan niya, para pang may nakadagan sa dibdib niya, ilang araw na siyang ganun pero di pa rin siya gumagaling, napagpasyahan nilang magpatingin sa ospital na bagong bukas lng, maaga silang nagpunta dun, parang sila pa lng ata ang pasyente sa Out patient department, kasama niya ang nanay niya at si ricky, si ricky ay ang ilang taon ng umuupa sa isang kuwarto nila sa bahay, isa itong bading ngunit di halata nursing student ito.
Nagdidilim na ang paningin ni gina, at pakiramdam niya nasusuka siya, ng biglang dumating yung nurse na lalaki na naka assign sa OPD,
"Ano pong nangyari sa kanya?"
"Eto kasing anak ko nilalagnat saka nahihilo."
"tara ho dalhin natin siya sa Emergency room."
Akay akay si gina ng nanay niya at ricky, halos buhatin na siya ni ricky dahil lambot na lambot na siya, hiniga siya sa kama, at pinalibutan ng nurse pinunasan sya ng malamig na tubig na may yelo, at ininjectionan ng kung ano, habang nakatingin namn ang doktora sa kanya. pag kalipas ng ilang sandali , nagsubside na ang lagnat niya,lumapit sa kanya ang nurse na naka assign kanina sa OPD, sa tingin niya ay kamukha ito ni doogie howser, yung bang 16 years old doctor sa series, lumapit ito at binigyan siya ng calling card, pag may problema daw ay tawagan lng siya, umalis ito ulit at nirekomenda ng doctor na i confine siya,
Dahil bago ang ospital may mga advantage at disadvantage, advantage? dahil bago wala pa masyado pasyente, kaya solo niya ang kuwarto, disadvantage? dahil bago ang ospital wala pang elevator, at ang kuwarto ay nasa third floor, sa panghihina niya pakiramdam niya ay 20 floor ang inakyat niya, ayaw niya namang mag pa stretcher dahil takot niyang mahulog.
Nasa kama na siya, bago mag alas singko ay umakyat ulit si 'doogie howser'
"Hello! kamusta na pakiramdam mo?"
"Eto, okay ng konti kaysa kanina."
"Ahm...Boyfriend mo ba yung kasama mo kanina?"
Muntik na siyang masamid , dahil sa pagaakala nitong boyfriend niya si ricky.
"Hindi, hindi ko siya boyfriend."
Lumawak ang pagkakangiti nito. "Ah ganun ba? akala ko kasi...ahm pwede ko bang malaman number mo sa bahay? alam mo na para mangamusta.."
"wala kaming telepono sa bahay eh.."
"Ganun ba? ahm saan kita pwedeng makontak?" (di pa uso ang zero bocklog nun at cellphone, beeper pa lng nun heheheh)
"Hmmm may kapitbahay kami na kapag may importanteng tawag dun namin pinapatawag"
"Tlaga? pwede bang malaman?"
"Okay 212732." (6 numbers pa lng nun)
"Okay sige magpahinga ka na, mag ta time out na ako."
"Bye thanks."
-----------------------
Parusa ang gamot na nilalagay sa dextrose niya, ito ay ang chlorampenicol, malapot ito kaya nmn pag dumaloy na sa ugat napakasakit, parang sasabog ang ugat niya, mabuti na lamang at considerate yung nakatoka sa kanyang nurse si nick, inuunti unti nito ang pagdaloy ng gamot habang hinahaluan ng dextrose bukod pa sa tlaga namang cute ito, bad trip nga lng at nasa ganung sitwasyon siya, bukod sa di pa siya naliligo at itoy parang laging mabango.
Na confine si gina ng friday at lumabas na rin siya ng sunday, thypoid fever ang sakit niya, bunga ng sobrang hilig sa fishball, sago't gulaman at inihaw, pinatuloy na lamang ang gamot sa bahay, orally na ang intake kaya okay na sa bahay.
Naisip niya si 'doogie' mondays to friday pla ang pasok sa OPD kaya pla di na siya ulit nito na bisita, malamang at kutob niyang type siya nito, amoy na amoy niya eh. she wonder kung tatawag ba ito, martes nakaupo siya sa tabi ng bintana malapit sa bahay ng kapitnahay nila, voila! maya maya tinatawag na siya nito at may phone call daw, siyempre na excite siya, wala nmng ibang tatawag sa kanya kundi ito, napagalaman din kasi nito na lola niya yung lola niya na naudlot magpakuha ng FBS, at ito nmn ang tinutukoy ng lola niya na mabait na nurse.
Napagdesisyunan ni thor, yun ang name ng nurse, na bisitahin siya at the same time kunan ng FBS lola niya sa bahay, home service pa at free of charge, tinuro niya ang daan, malay ba namn niya na uulan magdamag, at pag umulan duon ay lubog ang daanan na yun, 6:30 am dumating si thor sa bahay nila, nakasuot ito ng polo shirt na light blue at maong nakatupi hangang tuhod at hawak nito ang 2 rubber shoes, nalubog pala ito sa kanal dahil di nito nakita ang kanal, ang tubig kasi ay hangang tuhod ang baha, pinigil niyang matawa ng malakas sa itsura nito, mukha kasi itong basang sisiw, pero medyo naawa naman siya,.
Pinag almusal niya ito at pagkatapos ay kinunan na ng dugo ang lola niya, pati na rin siya, infairness magaan ang kamay nito,
"Sorry ha, di ko akalain na uulan kagabi, nalubog ka pa tuloy."
"Oo nga eh, kasalanan mo, dun pa sa mataas ang baha mo ako pinadaan." he said with a hint of smile on his lips.
nagkatawanan na rin sila , nalaman kasi nito na may mas madali pa lng daan kesa duon
nakaupo ito sa mahabang sofa , siya nmn ay sa maliit, kung ano anong kuwentuhan ng lola niya , nanay niya, siyempre good shot ang mokong , sino ba nmn ang hindi matutuwa sa ginawa niya, habang binubuko buko naman siya ng nanay at lola niya, kesyo tamad daw siya at kung ano ano pa, ngingiti- ngiti lng naman ang loko.
nang mapagisa sila,
"I love you" he mouthed the words.
she raise her brow, "mamaya magalit ang girlfriend mo."
"Wala akong girlfriend."
"Ows? ilang taon ka na?"
"24"
"AHhh."
Kung ano ano pang usapan, nang bigla siyang may hinagis, PERA!!!
"Para san to?" gilalas niyang tanong
"Wala lng, di kasi ako nakabili ng pasalubong."
"No need," then she turn it back.
Bumaba sila ng bahay, kung saan nandun yung isa pang bahay, dahil may kinuha sila dun,nang makuha na nila, lumabas na ulit sila at nilock niya na ulit ang pinto, then when she turn around to face him , she was shock from what he did, kinabig siya nito payakap, she fidgeted!then push him away
"What are you doing?!!"
"I'm sorry, gusto ko lng iparamdam sayo ang nararamdaman ko."
"ayoko na sanang maulit yun."
"Promise, not without your permission." he smiled.
She glared at him.
She send him on the door,
"So sa monday na lng, kita tayo sa check up mo."
"Okay!"
"See you!"
" see you!"
---------------------------------------------
She wonder, how could he easily say i love you, when he just knew her for a while? and hugging her? and the money? she shook her head what is he up to?
to be continued...
February 08, 2005
Maalaala mo kaya Magpakailanman
Ang lahat ng mababasa ninyo ay hango sa tunay na pangyayari, sadyang iniba lamang ang mga characters:
Si Gina ay isang ordinaryong high school student, para sa kanya napakaboring ng buhay, bakit? sa lahat kasi ng mga classmate niya siya na lng ang walang boyfriend, pero hindi dahil sa wala siyang manliligaw, wala pa lng siyang natitipuhan sa mga ito, dahil ang ultimate crush niyang si jojo ay hindi siya pinapansin.
Kapitbahay niya si jojo at the same time ay schoolmate, katunayan inaabangan niya sa bintana kapag magtatapon na ito ng basura, mula ng mapagdesisyunan niya na crush niya ito ay natuto na siyang manalamin, dati rati pag inuutusan siyang bumili ng pandesal malapit sa bahay nila jojo ay pagbangon niya diretso na sa bakery, pero nagyon ay hindi na, naghihilamos na siya at nag totoothbrush bukod pa sa marunong na rin siyang magsuklay.
Nasa ikalawang taon pa lamang siya ng high school ng magsimula iyon. parang di kumpleto ang araw niya pag di niya nakikita ito, sa likod ng mga notebook niya nakasulat ang " i love you jojo" ngunit gaya nga ng nasa awitin parang hangin lamang siya na nagdadaan as in deadma, pero di rin nmn gumagawa si gina ng move, dahil siyempre kahit head over hills siya dito dalagang pilipina pa rin siya.
Lumipas ang buwan at marami pang buwan na patuloy na deadma ang natatangap niya, hangang sa malaman ni gina na classmate pla ni jojo ang dati niyang classmate nung first year, nakita ni gina kung sino sino ang mga naging girlfriend ni jojo, at wala siyang magawa kundi ang mapabuntung hininga na lng kasi feeling niya wala siyang panama sa mga nagiging girlfriends nito.
Isang araw malapit na nun matapos ang pasukan, karaniwan wala na halos ginagawa ang mga estudyante, (yun ang mga tym na tlagang napakasarap pumunta ng school hehehe) kasama ni gina ang kaklase niya ng makita niya si jane ang classmate niya nung first year na classmate ni jojo ngayon, nabanggit niya kasi dati kay jane na kapitbahay niya si jojo, anyways eto ang mga pangyayari:
Naglalakad si gina at classmate sa may koridor 2nd floor ng school na makita niya si jane
Jane:"hey gina! diba friend mo si jojo?"
Gina:(Nanginig bigla nagkandabulol at nag blush) "ha... ah ...eh..."
Jane: "Kasi nakalimutan niya tong >?>^%%$##^&& niya pwedeng pakibigay na lng sa kanya?"
Gina: (blanko ang isip at nagdidilim na ang paningin dahil kinakapos na sa hangin sa sobrang kaba, di na naintindihan kung ano ang nakalimutan ni jojo, basta ang alam niya may pinabibigay si jane.) "Ah... eh... ano... may inuutos samin si mam... tama oo nga may inuutos si mam " sabay hila sa classmate niya
Bumaba sila at pumunta sa gate ang totoo pauwi na sila, ng biglang.........
nakita niya si jojo sa may gate halatang as in obvious na obvious na may hinihintay , pagkakita sa kanya at nakita siyang walang planong lumapit dito ay umalis na ito.
Ngayon ang tanong!!! Ano ang ibig sabihin ng nangyari????? isa ba itong set up? na kung kinuha niya ang pinabibigay ni jane, maaring hinihintay siya ni jojo at pagkakataon na para masimulan ang isang magandang pangyayari?
Maaari rin bang ginugood time lang siya dahil nahalata na nito na may gusto siya rito?
paano kung ginawa niya yun? ano na kaya ang sumunod na nangyari?
Ngunit di niya ginawa, inunahan siya ng takot kaya habang buhay na niyang tatanungin ngayon sa sarili niya na paano kung?
------------------------------------------------------------------
Wla ng sumunod na nangyari na ganun, sabi nga ng mga kaibigan niya engot daw siya, malay ba niya at kasalanan ba niya kung panghinaan siya ng tuhod, di birong makaharap ang ultimate crush niya no?
lumipas pa ang mga araw at 3rd year na si gina, at tulad ng dati di pa rin nagbabago ang pagtingin niya dito,Si gina nga pala ay isang mahiyaing nilalang, kaya kataka taka na napasama siya sa barkada na puro babae pero mga .... ano nga ba ang right word? hmmm... makakapal ang mukha, as in sa klase ang mga ito ang pasimuno ng ingay at kung ano ano pang kabalbalan, pero nanatiling uncorrupted ang dalisay niyang pag-iisip, meron pang ginawang kontrata ek ek ang mga barkada niya na gagawin ang lahat para isat-isa , meaning pag niyayang mag cutting class sama sama sila dapat, Ngunit! datapwat! lalaong baga! hindi nila napasama si gina sa mga ganun, minsan pa ay kinuha ng mga ito ang ID ni gina para sumama, ngunit di pa rin nila ito naisama, kaya masasabi niyang di maapply sa kanya ang kasabihang "tell me who your friends are, and i tell you who you are ".
Isang araw nagdala ang classmate niya ng camera, ang misyon: kuhanan ng litrato ang mga crush nilang magbabarkada...at take note walang kinalaman si gina sa mga balakin ng mga ito, at ganun nga ang ginawa at so far succesful naman ang mga kuning, ngunit pagdating kay jojo
Ana: "Hi jojo! pwede ka bang makunan ng picture remembrance?"
Jojo: "tsk pa se zerox na naman ang mukha ko." sabay alis.
infairness nakunan naman ni ana si jojo yun ng alng naka side view,
Ngunit ng sinabi ni Ana kay gina ang naging palitan nila ng pangungusap ay nakaramdam si gina ng pagkagalit, napakayabang nmn nito para magsalita ng ganun, may ibang paraan naman ng pagtanggi kung ayaw nito, pero ang pa zerox na naman ay isang malinaw na pagpapahayag ng kayabangan!!!!
sinabi ni gina na turn off na siya, ngunit ang totoo sa loob loob niya ay nasaktan siya dahil kahit di siya mismo at picture lang ang inayawan, she felt rejected.
And so she decided and told her friends na galit na siya dito ,tuwing makikita niya ito ay iismiran na niya ito, maybe she thought na mas madaling dalhin ang galit, rather than the pain of rejection, but she knew herself very well... she knew she never stop loving him.
----------------------------
Si gina ang naghahatid sa younger brother niya sa school, dumadaan siya sa long cut, l"ong cut" kasi mas malayo yun, dahil pag dumaan siya dun makikita niya si jojo,
One very lovely morning pagkahatid niya sa kapatid niya , pauwi na siya ng makasalubong niya si jojo, siyempre she put the cold face as her facade and made a hay!-naku-nasira-nanaman-ang araw ko-dahil-nakita-kita look,which is palagi niyang ginagawa pag nakikita ito, then just like she always do paglampas nito bibilang siya ng tatlo and she will turn around to look back at him, but the moment after she end up counting to three they look back at the same time, na nginig ang pagkatao niya,at kinilig ang kaluluwa niya nanginig dahil napahiya siya, kinilig dahil nilingon siya nito...
At napakaganda ng araw niya... at gaya rin ng dati wala n nmn sumunod na pangyayari....
At natapos ang high school walang nangyari, at wala siyang naging boyfriend.
At nang dumating ang bakasyon....
___________________________________________________________________
Si Gina ay isang ordinaryong high school student, para sa kanya napakaboring ng buhay, bakit? sa lahat kasi ng mga classmate niya siya na lng ang walang boyfriend, pero hindi dahil sa wala siyang manliligaw, wala pa lng siyang natitipuhan sa mga ito, dahil ang ultimate crush niyang si jojo ay hindi siya pinapansin.
Kapitbahay niya si jojo at the same time ay schoolmate, katunayan inaabangan niya sa bintana kapag magtatapon na ito ng basura, mula ng mapagdesisyunan niya na crush niya ito ay natuto na siyang manalamin, dati rati pag inuutusan siyang bumili ng pandesal malapit sa bahay nila jojo ay pagbangon niya diretso na sa bakery, pero nagyon ay hindi na, naghihilamos na siya at nag totoothbrush bukod pa sa marunong na rin siyang magsuklay.
Nasa ikalawang taon pa lamang siya ng high school ng magsimula iyon. parang di kumpleto ang araw niya pag di niya nakikita ito, sa likod ng mga notebook niya nakasulat ang " i love you jojo" ngunit gaya nga ng nasa awitin parang hangin lamang siya na nagdadaan as in deadma, pero di rin nmn gumagawa si gina ng move, dahil siyempre kahit head over hills siya dito dalagang pilipina pa rin siya.
Lumipas ang buwan at marami pang buwan na patuloy na deadma ang natatangap niya, hangang sa malaman ni gina na classmate pla ni jojo ang dati niyang classmate nung first year, nakita ni gina kung sino sino ang mga naging girlfriend ni jojo, at wala siyang magawa kundi ang mapabuntung hininga na lng kasi feeling niya wala siyang panama sa mga nagiging girlfriends nito.
Isang araw malapit na nun matapos ang pasukan, karaniwan wala na halos ginagawa ang mga estudyante, (yun ang mga tym na tlagang napakasarap pumunta ng school hehehe) kasama ni gina ang kaklase niya ng makita niya si jane ang classmate niya nung first year na classmate ni jojo ngayon, nabanggit niya kasi dati kay jane na kapitbahay niya si jojo, anyways eto ang mga pangyayari:
Naglalakad si gina at classmate sa may koridor 2nd floor ng school na makita niya si jane
Jane:"hey gina! diba friend mo si jojo?"
Gina:(Nanginig bigla nagkandabulol at nag blush) "ha... ah ...eh..."
Jane: "Kasi nakalimutan niya tong >?>^%%$##^&& niya pwedeng pakibigay na lng sa kanya?"
Gina: (blanko ang isip at nagdidilim na ang paningin dahil kinakapos na sa hangin sa sobrang kaba, di na naintindihan kung ano ang nakalimutan ni jojo, basta ang alam niya may pinabibigay si jane.) "Ah... eh... ano... may inuutos samin si mam... tama oo nga may inuutos si mam " sabay hila sa classmate niya
Bumaba sila at pumunta sa gate ang totoo pauwi na sila, ng biglang.........
nakita niya si jojo sa may gate halatang as in obvious na obvious na may hinihintay , pagkakita sa kanya at nakita siyang walang planong lumapit dito ay umalis na ito.
Ngayon ang tanong!!! Ano ang ibig sabihin ng nangyari????? isa ba itong set up? na kung kinuha niya ang pinabibigay ni jane, maaring hinihintay siya ni jojo at pagkakataon na para masimulan ang isang magandang pangyayari?
Maaari rin bang ginugood time lang siya dahil nahalata na nito na may gusto siya rito?
paano kung ginawa niya yun? ano na kaya ang sumunod na nangyari?
Ngunit di niya ginawa, inunahan siya ng takot kaya habang buhay na niyang tatanungin ngayon sa sarili niya na paano kung?
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Wla ng sumunod na nangyari na ganun, sabi nga ng mga kaibigan niya engot daw siya, malay ba niya at kasalanan ba niya kung panghinaan siya ng tuhod, di birong makaharap ang ultimate crush niya no?
lumipas pa ang mga araw at 3rd year na si gina, at tulad ng dati di pa rin nagbabago ang pagtingin niya dito,Si gina nga pala ay isang mahiyaing nilalang, kaya kataka taka na napasama siya sa barkada na puro babae pero mga .... ano nga ba ang right word? hmmm... makakapal ang mukha, as in sa klase ang mga ito ang pasimuno ng ingay at kung ano ano pang kabalbalan, pero nanatiling uncorrupted ang dalisay niyang pag-iisip, meron pang ginawang kontrata ek ek ang mga barkada niya na gagawin ang lahat para isat-isa , meaning pag niyayang mag cutting class sama sama sila dapat, Ngunit! datapwat! lalaong baga! hindi nila napasama si gina sa mga ganun, minsan pa ay kinuha ng mga ito ang ID ni gina para sumama, ngunit di pa rin nila ito naisama, kaya masasabi niyang di maapply sa kanya ang kasabihang "tell me who your friends are, and i tell you who you are ".
Isang araw nagdala ang classmate niya ng camera, ang misyon: kuhanan ng litrato ang mga crush nilang magbabarkada...at take note walang kinalaman si gina sa mga balakin ng mga ito, at ganun nga ang ginawa at so far succesful naman ang mga kuning, ngunit pagdating kay jojo
Ana: "Hi jojo! pwede ka bang makunan ng picture remembrance?"
Jojo: "tsk pa se zerox na naman ang mukha ko." sabay alis.
infairness nakunan naman ni ana si jojo yun ng alng naka side view,
Ngunit ng sinabi ni Ana kay gina ang naging palitan nila ng pangungusap ay nakaramdam si gina ng pagkagalit, napakayabang nmn nito para magsalita ng ganun, may ibang paraan naman ng pagtanggi kung ayaw nito, pero ang pa zerox na naman ay isang malinaw na pagpapahayag ng kayabangan!!!!
sinabi ni gina na turn off na siya, ngunit ang totoo sa loob loob niya ay nasaktan siya dahil kahit di siya mismo at picture lang ang inayawan, she felt rejected.
And so she decided and told her friends na galit na siya dito ,tuwing makikita niya ito ay iismiran na niya ito, maybe she thought na mas madaling dalhin ang galit, rather than the pain of rejection, but she knew herself very well... she knew she never stop loving him.
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Si gina ang naghahatid sa younger brother niya sa school, dumadaan siya sa long cut, l"ong cut" kasi mas malayo yun, dahil pag dumaan siya dun makikita niya si jojo,
One very lovely morning pagkahatid niya sa kapatid niya , pauwi na siya ng makasalubong niya si jojo, siyempre she put the cold face as her facade and made a hay!-naku-nasira-nanaman-ang araw ko-dahil-nakita-kita look,which is palagi niyang ginagawa pag nakikita ito, then just like she always do paglampas nito bibilang siya ng tatlo and she will turn around to look back at him, but the moment after she end up counting to three they look back at the same time, na nginig ang pagkatao niya,at kinilig ang kaluluwa niya nanginig dahil napahiya siya, kinilig dahil nilingon siya nito...
At napakaganda ng araw niya... at gaya rin ng dati wala n nmn sumunod na pangyayari....
At natapos ang high school walang nangyari, at wala siyang naging boyfriend.
At nang dumating ang bakasyon....
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