I used to believe in open doors. I welcomed people in with an unguarded heart, thinking that kindness and love would be enough to keep me safe. But people are cruel they tear through like a storm, and carve wounds so deep that even time struggles to heal them. So I built walls. Not all at once, not intentionally. It started with small barriers and hesitation before trusting, silence instead of vulnerability. Over time, those small defenses became something stronger, something impenetrable. Now, my walls are high, my gates locked, and I stand behind them, watching the world from a safe distance. It’s not that I don’t want connection. I do. But the thought of opening up, of letting someone see the fragile parts of me, feels like holding a blade against my own skin. What if they use my truths against me? What if I let them in, only to watch them walk away with my wounded soul like all the rest? People say walls keep others out, but they also keep me in. And maybe that’s the real fear, not loneliness, not isolation, but the possibility that I may never find the courage to tear them down.

You've been great self!

I stumbled upon this old blog of mine, as i was back reading my posts, grabe pala talaga, i was in hell and living with scheming people. I am not in pain anymore but reading those post made me want to tap myself on the shoulder, cry for her, hug her, and say I'm so proud of you! So to anyone who will just meet me, please know that i am like broken pieces put back together, whole but scarred, you may not understand why am i like this like now, but please have an open mind that life was never been easy to me, and I'am just as vulnerable like anyone else.

In my next life

When this life was over, i wish to be born again, can i live a happy life next time? I wish I am still a woman, pretty, tall, smart, know how to sing, dance, play musical instrument, and know at least 5 language, it could be Korean, French, German, English, and my native language, whatever it is. I want to be financially independent at the age of 21, at the age of 23 i already own a house and a car, i will travel in Switzerland, Korea, Taiwan, Europe,Japan, and other places i only see in the internet. I want to be wise, and good at everything. I want to meet a man, who will respect and will love me, only me. I remember when i was young, i already calculated the years i will have a degree, i said to myself, at 19, i will be a registered Physical Therapist, I was full of dreams, until... Now, i don't know , it seems that darkness has been eating me lately, i felt so unworthy and unloved, and a waste of space, oxygen, I just wanna die.

Looking back

Maulan sa labas, malamig masarap mag nilay nilay, I remember having this conversation Me: masama pakiramdam ko, mamaya na lang wala mga bata walang papakainin si 👿 dito 👿minion: bakit anong sakit mo? Me: Allergic sa plastic (pertaining to her)😂😂 Naranasan ko na lahat ng extreme emotions, sa sobrang galit ko nuon parang pag nakaharap ko mapapatay ko. I thank God di pa umabot sa ganuon. I was too naive and gullible back then. Sinamantala nila yun para paikutin ang buhay ko sa palad nila. I loved them hanggang sa mga apo, but they betrayed me and did the unthinkable. Pinanakot nila sa akin ang mga anak ko, i was jobless without a single cent in my pocket, i have nowhere to go. Looking back, malayo layo na din kung ano ako sa dati. I removed them all in my life, minsan may mga communication pero madalang na lang, most importantly, di na nila hawak ang buhay ko. I am still struggling, still in a constant battle, Many times that i wanted to give up and almost gave up, but i know i had to be strong.. when being strong was the only option. So please God, stop na ha🙏🙏🙏 quota na 🤗🤗🤗

Till Then

I know no matter how many times you tell me how much you love me, that wouldn’t enough for you to choose me. A part of me was hurt knowing it all along, but part of me was proud, proud for loving someone who will choose to the right thing no matter what. That is why I am hurting, that is why I am in pain, and that is why I am sad. Because I know if you choose to leave and hurt me, I will still understand. I can’t ease the pain by getting angry with you, but I can only blame myself, for allowing this love to grow selfishly. I love you, please forgive me. For now let me hold you.. let me make myself believe in “us” till I am strong enough to let you go.