Boring ang summer 1994, Sobrang bad trip si gina, kundi ba nmn eh plaging brown out! wla pa nmn siyang mapasyalan,At ito pa ngayon ay sasagala siya, nakalakihan na niyang kasali sa sagala ng lugar nila, wala pa siyang isusuoot, sa tulong ng kanyang tita ay makakahiram siya sa isang mananahi. Sakay sila ng jeep biyaheng divisoria, ng mapansin niyang halos lahat ng kalalakihan ay nakatitig sa kanya, may grupo pa ng kabataan na inaalaska ang kasama nila. "Pare natapat ka lng sa aircon para ka ng bato diyan, kumurap ka nmn!" alam niya na siya ang tinititigan ng mga ito, normal na ang mga ganung pangyayari, kaya nagtataka siya kung bakit si jojo ay forever deadma siya, kasi bukod sa nanay niya, marami rin nmng nagsasabi na maganda siya, isa pang pagpapatunay na kasali siya palagi sa mga sagala. Dumating ang gabi ng sagala, pagkakataon na niyang rumampa at mapansin ni jojo, kahit masakit ang paa okay lng kasi marami sa mga nanuod ang nagpahiwatig ng paghanga sa kanya, ang mga walang magawang expectator ay niraranguhan pa ang mga kasali, pag dating kay gina may narinig siya "Eto Ms. Belgium." flatter nmn siya siyempre, kasi ng taon na yun sa pilipinas ginanap ang ms universe, at si Ms. Belgium ang isa sa mga favorites. Peroa ng isa sa pinaka magandang comment na narinig niya ay ang galing sa kapatid ni jojo na babae na "Maganda pala siya!" hindi nga lng niya alam kung isa ba yung complement o insulto, pero dahil sa mukhang sincere naman at walang halong panguuyam ang tinig nito, na flattered na lng siya, pero ewan lng niya kung nasan si jojo, nakita kaya siya nito? o deadma pa rin.
Natangap na rin niya ang letter from PUP, naka pasa siya at sa susunod na dalawang lingo ay mag eenroll na sya, di pa rin siya desidido kung anong kurso ang kukunin niya, sa totoo lng pangarap niyang maging nurse, ewan niya ba kung bakit, basta gusto niyang maging nurse, gusto niya rin maging writer, romance novel ba, yung mga tipong ganun, hilig niya kasing magbasa ng pocket book, pero sabi nga gutom nga daw dun, so disregard the idea, so she decided na nursing, kaso sa PUP siya mag eenroll at walang nursing duon, so sabi ng tita niya na grumaduate din duon na banking and finance na lng ang kunin niya. Minsan nanuod siya ng bay watch, may na injured sa mga life guard, at naisip niya na parang gusto na lng niyang mag physical therapist, kasi feeling niya magkakaron siya ng pasyente ng kasing gwapo nung life guard at in demand yun nung time na yun, dahil medyo crowded na nung ang nursing, medyo limited ang tinatangap, pero wala ngang medical course sa PUP, so nauwi pa rin siya sa banking and finance.
Isang araw kinakailangan ng lola niya na magpa check up, at sabi ng doctor na kailangan nitong bumalik kinabukasan para kunan dugo para sa FBS or fasting blood sugar, so kailangan ng lola niya na from 12am walang laman ang tiyan, nag papacheck up ang lola niya sa bagong bukas na hospital ng gobyerno sa kanto lng malapit sa kanila, walking distance lng, kinabukasan sinabi ng nanay niya na puntahan ang lola niya sa hospital para sunduin at baka mahilo, paalis pa lng siya ng makita na niya ito, "La, nakuhanan ba kayo ng dugo?" salubong niya dito, umiling ito at naupo sa sofa, "hindi! nahihilo na ako di ko na kaya ang gutom." lumapit si gina "Ganun ba? papunta na sana ako dun, anong sabi sayo ng doctor?"
"di na ako natingnan, ang haba kasi ng pila eh, pero nakausap ko yung nurse, mabait."
"Anong sabi?"
"Bumalik daw ako ulit, at agahan uunahin na daw niya ako"
"ganun ba , eh di okay, anong pangalan nung nurse?"
"Di ko nakuha eh, pero tanda ko mukha, yung lalaking nasa OPD kumukuha ng timbang."
"Sige bukas na lng ulit tayo punta."
"Ay ayoko na muna, saka na lang."
"La, ayan ka na nmn , gumana n nmn pagka allergic mo sa check up."
"Basta saka na lng."
"Ok fine!"
----------------------------
Monday alas singko pa ln gising na si gina, ready na siya para magenrol
"Gina dalhin mo tong tinapay at coleman, siguradong mahaba pila bka di ka na makakain."
"La yan ang gusto ko sayo girl scout ka, salamat!"
Katulad nga ng inaasahan maghapon siyang pumila para mag enrol,umuwi siyang pagod ngunit fulfilled naman dahil natapos niya ang lahat ng kailangan, maghihintay na lng siya ng june para sa pasukan.
---------------------------------
May 25, 1994 Masama ang pakiramdam niya, nilalagnat siya ng mataas , sumusuka at ang sakit ng katawan niya, para pang may nakadagan sa dibdib niya, ilang araw na siyang ganun pero di pa rin siya gumagaling, napagpasyahan nilang magpatingin sa ospital na bagong bukas lng, maaga silang nagpunta dun, parang sila pa lng ata ang pasyente sa Out patient department, kasama niya ang nanay niya at si ricky, si ricky ay ang ilang taon ng umuupa sa isang kuwarto nila sa bahay, isa itong bading ngunit di halata nursing student ito.
Nagdidilim na ang paningin ni gina, at pakiramdam niya nasusuka siya, ng biglang dumating yung nurse na lalaki na naka assign sa OPD,
"Ano pong nangyari sa kanya?"
"Eto kasing anak ko nilalagnat saka nahihilo."
"tara ho dalhin natin siya sa Emergency room."
Akay akay si gina ng nanay niya at ricky, halos buhatin na siya ni ricky dahil lambot na lambot na siya, hiniga siya sa kama, at pinalibutan ng nurse pinunasan sya ng malamig na tubig na may yelo, at ininjectionan ng kung ano, habang nakatingin namn ang doktora sa kanya. pag kalipas ng ilang sandali , nagsubside na ang lagnat niya,lumapit sa kanya ang nurse na naka assign kanina sa OPD, sa tingin niya ay kamukha ito ni doogie howser, yung bang 16 years old doctor sa series, lumapit ito at binigyan siya ng calling card, pag may problema daw ay tawagan lng siya, umalis ito ulit at nirekomenda ng doctor na i confine siya,
Dahil bago ang ospital may mga advantage at disadvantage, advantage? dahil bago wala pa masyado pasyente, kaya solo niya ang kuwarto, disadvantage? dahil bago ang ospital wala pang elevator, at ang kuwarto ay nasa third floor, sa panghihina niya pakiramdam niya ay 20 floor ang inakyat niya, ayaw niya namang mag pa stretcher dahil takot niyang mahulog.
Nasa kama na siya, bago mag alas singko ay umakyat ulit si 'doogie howser'
"Hello! kamusta na pakiramdam mo?"
"Eto, okay ng konti kaysa kanina."
"Ahm...Boyfriend mo ba yung kasama mo kanina?"
Muntik na siyang masamid , dahil sa pagaakala nitong boyfriend niya si ricky.
"Hindi, hindi ko siya boyfriend."
Lumawak ang pagkakangiti nito. "Ah ganun ba? akala ko kasi...ahm pwede ko bang malaman number mo sa bahay? alam mo na para mangamusta.."
"wala kaming telepono sa bahay eh.."
"Ganun ba? ahm saan kita pwedeng makontak?" (di pa uso ang zero bocklog nun at cellphone, beeper pa lng nun heheheh)
"Hmmm may kapitbahay kami na kapag may importanteng tawag dun namin pinapatawag"
"Tlaga? pwede bang malaman?"
"Okay 212732." (6 numbers pa lng nun)
"Okay sige magpahinga ka na, mag ta time out na ako."
"Bye thanks."
-----------------------
Parusa ang gamot na nilalagay sa dextrose niya, ito ay ang chlorampenicol, malapot ito kaya nmn pag dumaloy na sa ugat napakasakit, parang sasabog ang ugat niya, mabuti na lamang at considerate yung nakatoka sa kanyang nurse si nick, inuunti unti nito ang pagdaloy ng gamot habang hinahaluan ng dextrose bukod pa sa tlaga namang cute ito, bad trip nga lng at nasa ganung sitwasyon siya, bukod sa di pa siya naliligo at itoy parang laging mabango.
Na confine si gina ng friday at lumabas na rin siya ng sunday, thypoid fever ang sakit niya, bunga ng sobrang hilig sa fishball, sago't gulaman at inihaw, pinatuloy na lamang ang gamot sa bahay, orally na ang intake kaya okay na sa bahay.
Naisip niya si 'doogie' mondays to friday pla ang pasok sa OPD kaya pla di na siya ulit nito na bisita, malamang at kutob niyang type siya nito, amoy na amoy niya eh. she wonder kung tatawag ba ito, martes nakaupo siya sa tabi ng bintana malapit sa bahay ng kapitnahay nila, voila! maya maya tinatawag na siya nito at may phone call daw, siyempre na excite siya, wala nmng ibang tatawag sa kanya kundi ito, napagalaman din kasi nito na lola niya yung lola niya na naudlot magpakuha ng FBS, at ito nmn ang tinutukoy ng lola niya na mabait na nurse.
Napagdesisyunan ni thor, yun ang name ng nurse, na bisitahin siya at the same time kunan ng FBS lola niya sa bahay, home service pa at free of charge, tinuro niya ang daan, malay ba namn niya na uulan magdamag, at pag umulan duon ay lubog ang daanan na yun, 6:30 am dumating si thor sa bahay nila, nakasuot ito ng polo shirt na light blue at maong nakatupi hangang tuhod at hawak nito ang 2 rubber shoes, nalubog pala ito sa kanal dahil di nito nakita ang kanal, ang tubig kasi ay hangang tuhod ang baha, pinigil niyang matawa ng malakas sa itsura nito, mukha kasi itong basang sisiw, pero medyo naawa naman siya,.
Pinag almusal niya ito at pagkatapos ay kinunan na ng dugo ang lola niya, pati na rin siya, infairness magaan ang kamay nito,
"Sorry ha, di ko akalain na uulan kagabi, nalubog ka pa tuloy."
"Oo nga eh, kasalanan mo, dun pa sa mataas ang baha mo ako pinadaan." he said with a hint of smile on his lips.
nagkatawanan na rin sila , nalaman kasi nito na may mas madali pa lng daan kesa duon
nakaupo ito sa mahabang sofa , siya nmn ay sa maliit, kung ano anong kuwentuhan ng lola niya , nanay niya, siyempre good shot ang mokong , sino ba nmn ang hindi matutuwa sa ginawa niya, habang binubuko buko naman siya ng nanay at lola niya, kesyo tamad daw siya at kung ano ano pa, ngingiti- ngiti lng naman ang loko.
nang mapagisa sila,
"I love you" he mouthed the words.
she raise her brow, "mamaya magalit ang girlfriend mo."
"Wala akong girlfriend."
"Ows? ilang taon ka na?"
"24"
"AHhh."
Kung ano ano pang usapan, nang bigla siyang may hinagis, PERA!!!
"Para san to?" gilalas niyang tanong
"Wala lng, di kasi ako nakabili ng pasalubong."
"No need," then she turn it back.
Bumaba sila ng bahay, kung saan nandun yung isa pang bahay, dahil may kinuha sila dun,nang makuha na nila, lumabas na ulit sila at nilock niya na ulit ang pinto, then when she turn around to face him , she was shock from what he did, kinabig siya nito payakap, she fidgeted!then push him away
"What are you doing?!!"
"I'm sorry, gusto ko lng iparamdam sayo ang nararamdaman ko."
"ayoko na sanang maulit yun."
"Promise, not without your permission." he smiled.
She glared at him.
She send him on the door,
"So sa monday na lng, kita tayo sa check up mo."
"Okay!"
"See you!"
" see you!"
---------------------------------------------
She wonder, how could he easily say i love you, when he just knew her for a while? and hugging her? and the money? she shook her head what is he up to?
to be continued...
February 13, 2005
February 08, 2005
Maalaala mo kaya Magpakailanman
Ang lahat ng mababasa ninyo ay hango sa tunay na pangyayari, sadyang iniba lamang ang mga characters:
Si Gina ay isang ordinaryong high school student, para sa kanya napakaboring ng buhay, bakit? sa lahat kasi ng mga classmate niya siya na lng ang walang boyfriend, pero hindi dahil sa wala siyang manliligaw, wala pa lng siyang natitipuhan sa mga ito, dahil ang ultimate crush niyang si jojo ay hindi siya pinapansin.
Kapitbahay niya si jojo at the same time ay schoolmate, katunayan inaabangan niya sa bintana kapag magtatapon na ito ng basura, mula ng mapagdesisyunan niya na crush niya ito ay natuto na siyang manalamin, dati rati pag inuutusan siyang bumili ng pandesal malapit sa bahay nila jojo ay pagbangon niya diretso na sa bakery, pero nagyon ay hindi na, naghihilamos na siya at nag totoothbrush bukod pa sa marunong na rin siyang magsuklay.
Nasa ikalawang taon pa lamang siya ng high school ng magsimula iyon. parang di kumpleto ang araw niya pag di niya nakikita ito, sa likod ng mga notebook niya nakasulat ang " i love you jojo" ngunit gaya nga ng nasa awitin parang hangin lamang siya na nagdadaan as in deadma, pero di rin nmn gumagawa si gina ng move, dahil siyempre kahit head over hills siya dito dalagang pilipina pa rin siya.
Lumipas ang buwan at marami pang buwan na patuloy na deadma ang natatangap niya, hangang sa malaman ni gina na classmate pla ni jojo ang dati niyang classmate nung first year, nakita ni gina kung sino sino ang mga naging girlfriend ni jojo, at wala siyang magawa kundi ang mapabuntung hininga na lng kasi feeling niya wala siyang panama sa mga nagiging girlfriends nito.
Isang araw malapit na nun matapos ang pasukan, karaniwan wala na halos ginagawa ang mga estudyante, (yun ang mga tym na tlagang napakasarap pumunta ng school hehehe) kasama ni gina ang kaklase niya ng makita niya si jane ang classmate niya nung first year na classmate ni jojo ngayon, nabanggit niya kasi dati kay jane na kapitbahay niya si jojo, anyways eto ang mga pangyayari:
Naglalakad si gina at classmate sa may koridor 2nd floor ng school na makita niya si jane
Jane:"hey gina! diba friend mo si jojo?"
Gina:(Nanginig bigla nagkandabulol at nag blush) "ha... ah ...eh..."
Jane: "Kasi nakalimutan niya tong >?>^%%$##^&& niya pwedeng pakibigay na lng sa kanya?"
Gina: (blanko ang isip at nagdidilim na ang paningin dahil kinakapos na sa hangin sa sobrang kaba, di na naintindihan kung ano ang nakalimutan ni jojo, basta ang alam niya may pinabibigay si jane.) "Ah... eh... ano... may inuutos samin si mam... tama oo nga may inuutos si mam " sabay hila sa classmate niya
Bumaba sila at pumunta sa gate ang totoo pauwi na sila, ng biglang.........
nakita niya si jojo sa may gate halatang as in obvious na obvious na may hinihintay , pagkakita sa kanya at nakita siyang walang planong lumapit dito ay umalis na ito.
Ngayon ang tanong!!! Ano ang ibig sabihin ng nangyari????? isa ba itong set up? na kung kinuha niya ang pinabibigay ni jane, maaring hinihintay siya ni jojo at pagkakataon na para masimulan ang isang magandang pangyayari?
Maaari rin bang ginugood time lang siya dahil nahalata na nito na may gusto siya rito?
paano kung ginawa niya yun? ano na kaya ang sumunod na nangyari?
Ngunit di niya ginawa, inunahan siya ng takot kaya habang buhay na niyang tatanungin ngayon sa sarili niya na paano kung?
------------------------------------------------------------------
Wla ng sumunod na nangyari na ganun, sabi nga ng mga kaibigan niya engot daw siya, malay ba niya at kasalanan ba niya kung panghinaan siya ng tuhod, di birong makaharap ang ultimate crush niya no?
lumipas pa ang mga araw at 3rd year na si gina, at tulad ng dati di pa rin nagbabago ang pagtingin niya dito,Si gina nga pala ay isang mahiyaing nilalang, kaya kataka taka na napasama siya sa barkada na puro babae pero mga .... ano nga ba ang right word? hmmm... makakapal ang mukha, as in sa klase ang mga ito ang pasimuno ng ingay at kung ano ano pang kabalbalan, pero nanatiling uncorrupted ang dalisay niyang pag-iisip, meron pang ginawang kontrata ek ek ang mga barkada niya na gagawin ang lahat para isat-isa , meaning pag niyayang mag cutting class sama sama sila dapat, Ngunit! datapwat! lalaong baga! hindi nila napasama si gina sa mga ganun, minsan pa ay kinuha ng mga ito ang ID ni gina para sumama, ngunit di pa rin nila ito naisama, kaya masasabi niyang di maapply sa kanya ang kasabihang "tell me who your friends are, and i tell you who you are ".
Isang araw nagdala ang classmate niya ng camera, ang misyon: kuhanan ng litrato ang mga crush nilang magbabarkada...at take note walang kinalaman si gina sa mga balakin ng mga ito, at ganun nga ang ginawa at so far succesful naman ang mga kuning, ngunit pagdating kay jojo
Ana: "Hi jojo! pwede ka bang makunan ng picture remembrance?"
Jojo: "tsk pa se zerox na naman ang mukha ko." sabay alis.
infairness nakunan naman ni ana si jojo yun ng alng naka side view,
Ngunit ng sinabi ni Ana kay gina ang naging palitan nila ng pangungusap ay nakaramdam si gina ng pagkagalit, napakayabang nmn nito para magsalita ng ganun, may ibang paraan naman ng pagtanggi kung ayaw nito, pero ang pa zerox na naman ay isang malinaw na pagpapahayag ng kayabangan!!!!
sinabi ni gina na turn off na siya, ngunit ang totoo sa loob loob niya ay nasaktan siya dahil kahit di siya mismo at picture lang ang inayawan, she felt rejected.
And so she decided and told her friends na galit na siya dito ,tuwing makikita niya ito ay iismiran na niya ito, maybe she thought na mas madaling dalhin ang galit, rather than the pain of rejection, but she knew herself very well... she knew she never stop loving him.
----------------------------
Si gina ang naghahatid sa younger brother niya sa school, dumadaan siya sa long cut, l"ong cut" kasi mas malayo yun, dahil pag dumaan siya dun makikita niya si jojo,
One very lovely morning pagkahatid niya sa kapatid niya , pauwi na siya ng makasalubong niya si jojo, siyempre she put the cold face as her facade and made a hay!-naku-nasira-nanaman-ang araw ko-dahil-nakita-kita look,which is palagi niyang ginagawa pag nakikita ito, then just like she always do paglampas nito bibilang siya ng tatlo and she will turn around to look back at him, but the moment after she end up counting to three they look back at the same time, na nginig ang pagkatao niya,at kinilig ang kaluluwa niya nanginig dahil napahiya siya, kinilig dahil nilingon siya nito...
At napakaganda ng araw niya... at gaya rin ng dati wala n nmn sumunod na pangyayari....
At natapos ang high school walang nangyari, at wala siyang naging boyfriend.
At nang dumating ang bakasyon....
___________________________________________________________________
Si Gina ay isang ordinaryong high school student, para sa kanya napakaboring ng buhay, bakit? sa lahat kasi ng mga classmate niya siya na lng ang walang boyfriend, pero hindi dahil sa wala siyang manliligaw, wala pa lng siyang natitipuhan sa mga ito, dahil ang ultimate crush niyang si jojo ay hindi siya pinapansin.
Kapitbahay niya si jojo at the same time ay schoolmate, katunayan inaabangan niya sa bintana kapag magtatapon na ito ng basura, mula ng mapagdesisyunan niya na crush niya ito ay natuto na siyang manalamin, dati rati pag inuutusan siyang bumili ng pandesal malapit sa bahay nila jojo ay pagbangon niya diretso na sa bakery, pero nagyon ay hindi na, naghihilamos na siya at nag totoothbrush bukod pa sa marunong na rin siyang magsuklay.
Nasa ikalawang taon pa lamang siya ng high school ng magsimula iyon. parang di kumpleto ang araw niya pag di niya nakikita ito, sa likod ng mga notebook niya nakasulat ang " i love you jojo" ngunit gaya nga ng nasa awitin parang hangin lamang siya na nagdadaan as in deadma, pero di rin nmn gumagawa si gina ng move, dahil siyempre kahit head over hills siya dito dalagang pilipina pa rin siya.
Lumipas ang buwan at marami pang buwan na patuloy na deadma ang natatangap niya, hangang sa malaman ni gina na classmate pla ni jojo ang dati niyang classmate nung first year, nakita ni gina kung sino sino ang mga naging girlfriend ni jojo, at wala siyang magawa kundi ang mapabuntung hininga na lng kasi feeling niya wala siyang panama sa mga nagiging girlfriends nito.
Isang araw malapit na nun matapos ang pasukan, karaniwan wala na halos ginagawa ang mga estudyante, (yun ang mga tym na tlagang napakasarap pumunta ng school hehehe) kasama ni gina ang kaklase niya ng makita niya si jane ang classmate niya nung first year na classmate ni jojo ngayon, nabanggit niya kasi dati kay jane na kapitbahay niya si jojo, anyways eto ang mga pangyayari:
Naglalakad si gina at classmate sa may koridor 2nd floor ng school na makita niya si jane
Jane:"hey gina! diba friend mo si jojo?"
Gina:(Nanginig bigla nagkandabulol at nag blush) "ha... ah ...eh..."
Jane: "Kasi nakalimutan niya tong >?>^%%$##^&& niya pwedeng pakibigay na lng sa kanya?"
Gina: (blanko ang isip at nagdidilim na ang paningin dahil kinakapos na sa hangin sa sobrang kaba, di na naintindihan kung ano ang nakalimutan ni jojo, basta ang alam niya may pinabibigay si jane.) "Ah... eh... ano... may inuutos samin si mam... tama oo nga may inuutos si mam " sabay hila sa classmate niya
Bumaba sila at pumunta sa gate ang totoo pauwi na sila, ng biglang.........
nakita niya si jojo sa may gate halatang as in obvious na obvious na may hinihintay , pagkakita sa kanya at nakita siyang walang planong lumapit dito ay umalis na ito.
Ngayon ang tanong!!! Ano ang ibig sabihin ng nangyari????? isa ba itong set up? na kung kinuha niya ang pinabibigay ni jane, maaring hinihintay siya ni jojo at pagkakataon na para masimulan ang isang magandang pangyayari?
Maaari rin bang ginugood time lang siya dahil nahalata na nito na may gusto siya rito?
paano kung ginawa niya yun? ano na kaya ang sumunod na nangyari?
Ngunit di niya ginawa, inunahan siya ng takot kaya habang buhay na niyang tatanungin ngayon sa sarili niya na paano kung?
------------------------------------------------------------------
Wla ng sumunod na nangyari na ganun, sabi nga ng mga kaibigan niya engot daw siya, malay ba niya at kasalanan ba niya kung panghinaan siya ng tuhod, di birong makaharap ang ultimate crush niya no?
lumipas pa ang mga araw at 3rd year na si gina, at tulad ng dati di pa rin nagbabago ang pagtingin niya dito,Si gina nga pala ay isang mahiyaing nilalang, kaya kataka taka na napasama siya sa barkada na puro babae pero mga .... ano nga ba ang right word? hmmm... makakapal ang mukha, as in sa klase ang mga ito ang pasimuno ng ingay at kung ano ano pang kabalbalan, pero nanatiling uncorrupted ang dalisay niyang pag-iisip, meron pang ginawang kontrata ek ek ang mga barkada niya na gagawin ang lahat para isat-isa , meaning pag niyayang mag cutting class sama sama sila dapat, Ngunit! datapwat! lalaong baga! hindi nila napasama si gina sa mga ganun, minsan pa ay kinuha ng mga ito ang ID ni gina para sumama, ngunit di pa rin nila ito naisama, kaya masasabi niyang di maapply sa kanya ang kasabihang "tell me who your friends are, and i tell you who you are ".
Isang araw nagdala ang classmate niya ng camera, ang misyon: kuhanan ng litrato ang mga crush nilang magbabarkada...at take note walang kinalaman si gina sa mga balakin ng mga ito, at ganun nga ang ginawa at so far succesful naman ang mga kuning, ngunit pagdating kay jojo
Ana: "Hi jojo! pwede ka bang makunan ng picture remembrance?"
Jojo: "tsk pa se zerox na naman ang mukha ko." sabay alis.
infairness nakunan naman ni ana si jojo yun ng alng naka side view,
Ngunit ng sinabi ni Ana kay gina ang naging palitan nila ng pangungusap ay nakaramdam si gina ng pagkagalit, napakayabang nmn nito para magsalita ng ganun, may ibang paraan naman ng pagtanggi kung ayaw nito, pero ang pa zerox na naman ay isang malinaw na pagpapahayag ng kayabangan!!!!
sinabi ni gina na turn off na siya, ngunit ang totoo sa loob loob niya ay nasaktan siya dahil kahit di siya mismo at picture lang ang inayawan, she felt rejected.
And so she decided and told her friends na galit na siya dito ,tuwing makikita niya ito ay iismiran na niya ito, maybe she thought na mas madaling dalhin ang galit, rather than the pain of rejection, but she knew herself very well... she knew she never stop loving him.
----------------------------
Si gina ang naghahatid sa younger brother niya sa school, dumadaan siya sa long cut, l"ong cut" kasi mas malayo yun, dahil pag dumaan siya dun makikita niya si jojo,
One very lovely morning pagkahatid niya sa kapatid niya , pauwi na siya ng makasalubong niya si jojo, siyempre she put the cold face as her facade and made a hay!-naku-nasira-nanaman-ang araw ko-dahil-nakita-kita look,which is palagi niyang ginagawa pag nakikita ito, then just like she always do paglampas nito bibilang siya ng tatlo and she will turn around to look back at him, but the moment after she end up counting to three they look back at the same time, na nginig ang pagkatao niya,at kinilig ang kaluluwa niya nanginig dahil napahiya siya, kinilig dahil nilingon siya nito...
At napakaganda ng araw niya... at gaya rin ng dati wala n nmn sumunod na pangyayari....
At natapos ang high school walang nangyari, at wala siyang naging boyfriend.
At nang dumating ang bakasyon....
___________________________________________________________________
February 06, 2005
I tried to kill time, i wanted to go to bed when my eyes almost cannot open, so i take those test
J:
Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a Hippie. Wow.
What kind of Sixties Person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
J:
Your Beauty lies
in Dreams. Day-dreamer, creative and forever lost
in thoughts. You're a
dreamer, wanting more in your life than you have
now. Though you a lot of your
dreams never seem to leave your own mind. You've
created your own little world
inside that head of yours and you're most beautiful
when your mind is in
the clouds with sparkles in your eyes. You'd rather
be asleep than awake and
people find it hard to have long conversations with
you as you mind often
wanders and you aren't a big fan of reality. You
are long and almost child-like
probably with a great love for Fantasy or Science
Fiction. You're very creative
and most likely love to write wonderful stories or
draw and even sing, anything
creative that you can use that vast imagination of
yours. You're a bit of a
puzzle to people love to wonder as to what is going
in your mind.
Some Things
That Represent You:
Element:
Water, Wind Animal: Eagle Color:
Purples, Blues,
Pinks, Misty Colors Song: Imaginary by
Evanescence Expression: Blank Stare
Gemstone:
Rose Quartz Mythological Creature: Unicorn,
Fairy Planet: Saturn Hair Color:
Strawberry
Blonde Eye Color: Violet
Quote:
"I lie inside myself for hours and watch my
purple skies fly over me."
Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a Hippie. Wow.
What kind of Sixties Person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're a very mellow, care-free person. Your
exactly what calm, cool, and collected mean.
You never overreact or panic in a bad situation
and you always know what to do. Everyone goes
to you for advice because you never lose your
head so your very reliable. You tend to take
everything in stride, like in school your moto
is just sit back and relax not to say you dont
pay attention and work, but you dont overexert
yourself. Even though people come to you for
counciling(sp?) you can still be very quite,
your not good with making new friends, but your
extremely close to the ones you have. Remember
its ok to put your emotions out there even
though there is a chance they might get hurt.
Also in school sometimes its good to stress out
a little, just because you think you dont need
to study doesnt mean you should'nt, and also
try to push yourself more even though you might
be good where you are doesnt mean you can,t be
better. Check out my new YYH Series ~A
Bleeding Heart~
Whats Your Personality(with PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed
What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You have a rather calm soul, but when tempted
will get pissed off at those who bug you. You
do whatever you can in your powers to help
those of your allies and have a okay taste for
human kind, but you find them rather annoying
on occasions.
Gem Stone: Saphire, Eye Color:Ice
Blue,Hair Color:Dark Blue that's long
that goes to your waist.
Quote:If you wait for me
Then I'll come for you. Although I've travelled
far, I always hold a place for you
In my heart. If you think of me, If you miss me
once in a while, Then I'll return to you. I'll
return and fill that space in your heart
What Is Your True Hidden Power? .::Beautiful Anime Pics::.
brought to you by Quizilla
You like the sweet, shy type.
What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
ROMANTIC ONE. The really most most most important
for you is that she/he is romantic. You love it
to get love letters, red roses and be in a
romantic atmosphere. He/She must make you think
that you are the most beautiful of all. When
he/she is romantic she/he has you got in his
hands. When he/she tells you all that he/she
feels for you ,you are devoted to him/her. At
this point you are easy to be tempt. Your heart
is soft and pure and you would never cheat as
long as you love your partner. But if he cheats
you, you are not hiding your feelings and show
how much she/he hurt you because you trusted in
him/her and never thought he/she could do this
to you.PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you
think about my quiz, I worked hard on it.You
can always message me or tell me how I can
improve that quiz. Ill sure write back.
~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla
February 05, 2005
Morpheus
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're a romantic girl. You're kind, caring,
loveing, and peaceful. You spend a lot of your
time dreaming and you're not afraid to express
deep emotion, whether it be in a poem, diary,
or words. You hope for love and affection from
your prince charming. I have a feeling he will
come around soon.
What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a dark girl. You have a really quiet and
really a i dont' care attitude. You like to be
alone and that is what you enjoy. You don't
like to be around others and you'd rather be
away from here. You have a get away from me
look and others find you bitchy and
self-rigious. You'd rather read than be at a
fair but that's ok because that's who you are.
Who are you inside????? (LOTS OF RESULTS)girls only
brought to you by Quizilla
Your inner soul is calling for help! You always
seem so depressed, lonely, and feel like an
outsider. You may have a cold, sad exterior,
but in all reality you are hurt inside and
bottling up all of your anger. Everyday you
wonder why are you still here when there is
nothing left? You use to once be a happy,
loving soul, but it was damaged by 'them' and
seems like it never can be fixed again.
However, you have yet seemed to realize that
there are people out there that deeply care for
you. They secretly have a thing for you because
they find you to be dark, mysterious, and full
of secrets, not to mention being the prettiest
person in the world! You like to enjoy your
time by yourself expressing your feelings
through forms of art, and enjoy nice quiet
scenaries that just dazzle your mind with awe.
Your bedroom is basically your sanctuary where
you can hide out, hidden from those who gave
you all of the pain. Try to loosen up and have
some fun! Never start frowning because you
never know who's falling in love with your
smile :)
What Is Your Inner Soul Trying To Say? (With Pics, See All Results!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Congratulations! You are Susan Mayer, the divorcee
and single mom who will go to extraordinary
lengths for love.
Which Desperate Housewife are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Shocks divorcee? wonder when it will come lols
~*~*~*~ LOVING~*~*~*~
Your loving nature makes you wonderful to be
around. You are the type of person that accepts
people for who they are and they in return of
your good heartedness, accept you right back.
You are most likely a romantic at heart. With a
sensitive soul and probably a broken heart from
the past, you don't usually trust people. You
have probably been hurt by someone you love or
loved dearly which makes it hard to confide in
others. Easy going and romantic, fun and
lovable, you have a great personality. You are
very well liked in the general world that
you're in.
Please Rate or message me! Thank you for taking my
quiz! XoXo <3 Lana
You're Beautiful...but why? ( PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla
In your eyes, people see shards of ice
everywhere... You are cold and distant, pushing
away people that love you and truely care for
you! You want to be able to reach out and love
them but... You can't for some reason... You're
just too.... You :P Underneath that cold
exterior lies a warm, happy soul that wants to
let loose and have fun! Your sanctuary would
probably be anywhere up high where you can look
down on life below you, like the roof of an
apartment building... Your eyes resemble a
saddened, crestfallen person seeking out
attention, but doesn't know how to handle it.
However, you do find comfort from your friends,
they're always there for you, and they know the
REAL you :) Even though you do seem rather
cold, you can be very protective over something
you truely believe in or love. Let go of that
"tough" rep and just be you! It's
impossible to live life without some fun and
love ^-^
What Lies Behind Your Eyes? (With Pics, See All Results!)
brought to you by Quizilla
You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of - the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever
change - the world needs more people like you.
Image Copyright Sheila Wolk (prints available
through treefreegreetings.com) - words added by
myself.
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
February 03, 2005
Just today
Early this morning he send me an SMS, asking me if i'm still mad at him, after the whole night of exchanging harsh words, and daring me to end up our relationship, he will say that... Honestly my mind was settled of finding a job... and he called me up the same morning 9 am, and offering me to continue my studies... i told him that actually i'am decided to find job, my friends recommended me to apply on a call center, which requires graveyard hours, which is an advantagae to me, i even asked my brother to stay in our house to sleep with my children when i'am away, and i told my husband that, he said that, you're going to leave our children, i said i have to, i can't take it that everytime you do something wrong to me, you're still the one who dares me to get lost, and even say to me that i have to do what i said, not just words, i dont know, honestly , it's hard to make a decision when you already have children to be given a consideration... i hate my situation...i hate my life
February 02, 2005
I'm sorry...
Dedicated to the man who do nothing but broke my heart....
You said sorry, and i should forgive you for hurting me
You told me i had no choice but to forgive so i can go on
Saying those things like it was that easy
I forgave you...but then here you go again
Commiting the same mistake and hurt me once again
You're saying you're sorry, and you told me to forgive
And dare me if not...then I should forget us
You are so unfair, It's easy for you to say
Because you are not the one who's hurting
And been hurt again and again..
You asked for forgiveness
And i asked for your sincerity
Asking you to show that you really mean it
But instead you dare me to leave you if i can..
One day you will feel lonely, torn and lost
And as you look around you
You will find yourself alone..
All the people that once cared for you
People who loved you but taken for granted
You will loose them all...
You will try to apologize
But it's too late
You will want me back
But you cannot have me again..
You will cry a river
And you can cry forever
But no amount of tears
Can bring me back to you..
So now I'm the one who will tell you I'm sorry
Sorry because I dont want you anymore
Sorry if you cry
Because honestly I dont care at all...
Now i'm the one who will say sorry
For pushing you away on that door
away from my life completely...
Loosing you is not the end
I will show you how you've mistaken
That I cannot make it till the end
I will stand on my own and fix myself
And wait for the day to see you
As you stumble on your feet and then fall..
Now I'm the one who will say sorry
For I dont love you anymore
You can cry, but i wouldn't care at all...
You said sorry, and i should forgive you for hurting me
You told me i had no choice but to forgive so i can go on
Saying those things like it was that easy
I forgave you...but then here you go again
Commiting the same mistake and hurt me once again
You're saying you're sorry, and you told me to forgive
And dare me if not...then I should forget us
You are so unfair, It's easy for you to say
Because you are not the one who's hurting
And been hurt again and again..
You asked for forgiveness
And i asked for your sincerity
Asking you to show that you really mean it
But instead you dare me to leave you if i can..
One day you will feel lonely, torn and lost
And as you look around you
You will find yourself alone..
All the people that once cared for you
People who loved you but taken for granted
You will loose them all...
You will try to apologize
But it's too late
You will want me back
But you cannot have me again..
You will cry a river
And you can cry forever
But no amount of tears
Can bring me back to you..
So now I'm the one who will tell you I'm sorry
Sorry because I dont want you anymore
Sorry if you cry
Because honestly I dont care at all...
Now i'm the one who will say sorry
For pushing you away on that door
away from my life completely...
Loosing you is not the end
I will show you how you've mistaken
That I cannot make it till the end
I will stand on my own and fix myself
And wait for the day to see you
As you stumble on your feet and then fall..
Now I'm the one who will say sorry
For I dont love you anymore
You can cry, but i wouldn't care at all...
A letter for you
I wrote this letter because somebody told me that it is, in a way a treatment, sulat ko daw lahat ng nasa loob ko at sama ng loob kung hindi ko man mailabas, in that way kahit papano mababawasan ang bigat ng dibdib ko.
I have so many things in my heart and in my mind that i wanted to say, but hold on to it, para wag na lng humaba, funny isnt it? bakit kung sino pa ang nasaktan siya pa dapat ang magsaalang-alang sa situation para wag ng humaba.
Kung pagsasamahin lahat ng sama ng loob ko siguro naguumapaw na. siguro sasabihin mo, bakit lagi na lng binabalik at hinuhukay pa ang lahat ng nakaraan? it's because those wounds in the past never been heal! why? because until now i'm suffering on those wounds, dun sa mga bunga ng pagkakasala mo sa akin nuon. and also because hindi na settle yun. I just tried to stop talking about it, for the sake of our relationship, pero you never do anything to heal those wounds, kung baga sa sugat di mo ginamot, you let it heal by itself oblivious to the fact that it never heal..instead it gets infected, sa panlabas okay pero if you look within bugbog pa rin ang loob, that 's why pag nasaling masakit pa rin.
In 10 years of us together 3 years being your girlfriend and 7 years of being married, i tried to look for those good memories, and tried to look at those bad in a positive way..like it was a test that make us stronger..or make me stronger...and so i thought...
I guess i can never be stronger, because everytime you break my heart i still break down, there's no such thing as getting used to it, no matter how many times i stumble on my feet and tried to get up, there's another thing coming that tore me apart.
I want to ask you and you dont need to answer me, you can keep the answer by yourself.. When you do things that you know it would hurt me, have you ever had a second thought of doing it? Does the thought of you could hurt me, enough to make you stop from doing it? Regardless of my children..just talking about me, Does it concern you knowing when i found out it will tore me apart? When you know that you break my heart and see my heart shatter, does it breaks yours too, or even crack a little? Have it ever cross your mind living your life without me? that one day it would come, that i will finally give up on you? Does it bother you in some way? even a little?
When you're answer is no to all...then i guess you better told me now...
When you answer yes to all then ...tell me why? why do you always have to do the things that you know it could hurt me.
When I'm saying things that bother's me and what i feel, you will answer me with a question, asking me if i wanted to end it up, daring me if i want this relationship to end, instead of showing even a little remorse, Do you know how it hurts? sometimes saying those things means i needed you to make me feel better, but instead you're adding my misery, i wonder when you will ever understand, i wonder when this misery would end, have you ever had any idea what am i going through? i guess you have none.
DO you know how hard it is to sleep at night? that even in the middle of a phone call ,meals, shower, watching t.v. the pain strikes? even you tried to ignore, there a silent pain aching inside your heart. How it made you envy seeing those happy couples, and ask yourself how can they be so lucky? Asking yourself what should you do, because you were lost.. no one ever comfort you even the one who's responsible why you're broken hearted, and all you can do is comfort yourself...just by yourself..
To the recent issue, can you blame me for remembring those past things you've done? because it is connected and it freshen up all the unheal wounds that i have tried to hide, Remember how you told me not to go up in our room dahil maguusap kayo sa phone? can't remember? exact words: "karen wag ka munang aakyat sa kuwarto kasi maguusap pa kami sa phone." Hindi ako umakyat as you wish...but you have no idea how painful it was. Then you told me halfday ka 6pm ka na umalis, i called you at the hospital dahil may ibibilin ako sayo, sabi ni Dennis, "wala siya pasensiya na di niya nabilin na pag tumawag ka sabihin kong pumasok siya." At nung aalis ka ng madaling araw para makipagkita sa kanya, i'd tried to stop you but you shove me away, and when you got home at 5am, you never even tried to explain, And the video...that video...that after letting you know na nakita ko ano sabi mo? "maganda ba?" then you beat me up giving me a black eye. years after then you burn the video in front of me, knowing one day that you had another copy...
And now....Until now...
You know why I'm saying this to you? To let you know na nasasaktan din ako, if you have no idea that i'm hurting ...then i'm telling you that I'am...so much... like hell! that it is taking me out of my wits...
You said sorry...fine.. But it takes more than saying sorry...You have to prove that you are sorry...really sorry for what have you done to me...from hurting me....how? I dont know how, you should be the one who should think of the ways... Please dont say sorry for the sake of my children...I dont want to have a realtionship just for the sake of them... Do you know that you only adding the pain when you say that?
And when you said sorry be sure you mean that, it's the only time you can think of the ways on how to make up...and when you really mean sorry it means you will never do it again, in any possible way...
Please stop hurting me...I dont know how long i can able to take it...i dont know if i could take another blow... i wanted to raise a white flag and surrender, because honestly...my heart is just like an ordinary heart like all human beings have...Please dont put so much confident on it, because it wasnt that strong as you think..
I need you...I love you more than anyone and anything in this world..so please, I'm begging you please show me and make me feel that all the things i've been thru and presently getting thru was all worth it...That is all worth it..
I have so many things in my heart and in my mind that i wanted to say, but hold on to it, para wag na lng humaba, funny isnt it? bakit kung sino pa ang nasaktan siya pa dapat ang magsaalang-alang sa situation para wag ng humaba.
Kung pagsasamahin lahat ng sama ng loob ko siguro naguumapaw na. siguro sasabihin mo, bakit lagi na lng binabalik at hinuhukay pa ang lahat ng nakaraan? it's because those wounds in the past never been heal! why? because until now i'm suffering on those wounds, dun sa mga bunga ng pagkakasala mo sa akin nuon. and also because hindi na settle yun. I just tried to stop talking about it, for the sake of our relationship, pero you never do anything to heal those wounds, kung baga sa sugat di mo ginamot, you let it heal by itself oblivious to the fact that it never heal..instead it gets infected, sa panlabas okay pero if you look within bugbog pa rin ang loob, that 's why pag nasaling masakit pa rin.
In 10 years of us together 3 years being your girlfriend and 7 years of being married, i tried to look for those good memories, and tried to look at those bad in a positive way..like it was a test that make us stronger..or make me stronger...and so i thought...
I guess i can never be stronger, because everytime you break my heart i still break down, there's no such thing as getting used to it, no matter how many times i stumble on my feet and tried to get up, there's another thing coming that tore me apart.
I want to ask you and you dont need to answer me, you can keep the answer by yourself.. When you do things that you know it would hurt me, have you ever had a second thought of doing it? Does the thought of you could hurt me, enough to make you stop from doing it? Regardless of my children..just talking about me, Does it concern you knowing when i found out it will tore me apart? When you know that you break my heart and see my heart shatter, does it breaks yours too, or even crack a little? Have it ever cross your mind living your life without me? that one day it would come, that i will finally give up on you? Does it bother you in some way? even a little?
When you're answer is no to all...then i guess you better told me now...
When you answer yes to all then ...tell me why? why do you always have to do the things that you know it could hurt me.
When I'm saying things that bother's me and what i feel, you will answer me with a question, asking me if i wanted to end it up, daring me if i want this relationship to end, instead of showing even a little remorse, Do you know how it hurts? sometimes saying those things means i needed you to make me feel better, but instead you're adding my misery, i wonder when you will ever understand, i wonder when this misery would end, have you ever had any idea what am i going through? i guess you have none.
DO you know how hard it is to sleep at night? that even in the middle of a phone call ,meals, shower, watching t.v. the pain strikes? even you tried to ignore, there a silent pain aching inside your heart. How it made you envy seeing those happy couples, and ask yourself how can they be so lucky? Asking yourself what should you do, because you were lost.. no one ever comfort you even the one who's responsible why you're broken hearted, and all you can do is comfort yourself...just by yourself..
To the recent issue, can you blame me for remembring those past things you've done? because it is connected and it freshen up all the unheal wounds that i have tried to hide, Remember how you told me not to go up in our room dahil maguusap kayo sa phone? can't remember? exact words: "karen wag ka munang aakyat sa kuwarto kasi maguusap pa kami sa phone." Hindi ako umakyat as you wish...but you have no idea how painful it was. Then you told me halfday ka 6pm ka na umalis, i called you at the hospital dahil may ibibilin ako sayo, sabi ni Dennis, "wala siya pasensiya na di niya nabilin na pag tumawag ka sabihin kong pumasok siya." At nung aalis ka ng madaling araw para makipagkita sa kanya, i'd tried to stop you but you shove me away, and when you got home at 5am, you never even tried to explain, And the video...that video...that after letting you know na nakita ko ano sabi mo? "maganda ba?" then you beat me up giving me a black eye. years after then you burn the video in front of me, knowing one day that you had another copy...
And now....Until now...
You know why I'm saying this to you? To let you know na nasasaktan din ako, if you have no idea that i'm hurting ...then i'm telling you that I'am...so much... like hell! that it is taking me out of my wits...
You said sorry...fine.. But it takes more than saying sorry...You have to prove that you are sorry...really sorry for what have you done to me...from hurting me....how? I dont know how, you should be the one who should think of the ways... Please dont say sorry for the sake of my children...I dont want to have a realtionship just for the sake of them... Do you know that you only adding the pain when you say that?
And when you said sorry be sure you mean that, it's the only time you can think of the ways on how to make up...and when you really mean sorry it means you will never do it again, in any possible way...
Please stop hurting me...I dont know how long i can able to take it...i dont know if i could take another blow... i wanted to raise a white flag and surrender, because honestly...my heart is just like an ordinary heart like all human beings have...Please dont put so much confident on it, because it wasnt that strong as you think..
I need you...I love you more than anyone and anything in this world..so please, I'm begging you please show me and make me feel that all the things i've been thru and presently getting thru was all worth it...That is all worth it..
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