Have you ever been watched that movie? starring Jennifer love hewitt. The story goes like this, Jennifer and her friend had a some kinda bet, Jennifer said her husband won't ever have an affair outside their marriage, i guess jennifer found something that leads to suspicion, but still she believes that her husband can't do that, so she pretend to be someone , send a card on her husband signed as anonymous, she talked to him over the phone, changing her voice, and they had an affair, so it was confirmed, her husband was having an affair with anonymous, and so the story goes...
I mentioned the above movie because it was recently happening to me.
My husband is flirting on the net with different women, using friendster, yahoo messenger etc. Funny thing is i culd always open his emails and friendster, that made him furious because i found out what he was doing.
his reasons was, he was so lonely there abroad, that was his divertion, sabi ko sa kanya, hindi ka ba pwedeng maglibang ng di nambababae?
sabi niya, malalayo naman daw yun, wala nmn daw masamang mangyayari dahil sobrang layo, ayaw ko daw siyang bigyan kahit konting kaligayahan, bkit daw pinipigil ko ang mga ganun bagay kung saan siya masaya, bakit daw hindi ko siya hayaan gawin kung anong gusto niya.
makitid at sarado daw ang utak ko, at nababaliw na.
siguro nga, minsan pati ako di ko na maintindihan sarili ko, bakit hindi na lang maging madali para sa akin na tangapin na lang lahat ng bagay na ginagawa niya? bkit kailangan pang maging apektado ako, samantalang wala nmn epekto sa kanya masktan man ako.
so i chat, i create an account, pretending to be someone else, he added me on his friendster and chat with me, i know what he likes so , as i expected kumagat siya,
It was two things why am i doing this
1. he said chatting and flirting was the his thing and it makes him happy,
so iwanted to give him happiness, kung naghahanap siya ng ganun, ako na ang magbibigay sa kanya, sa katauhan ng ibang taong inaakala niya,
2. That was the only time, when i am chatting with him with different id, i can hear his thoughtfulness and sweetness, ang lambing niya kay anonymous, samantalang sa akin hindi, he always said he misses anonymous, while he didnt say that to me anymore, he always said i love you to anonymous, while to me i cant feel it, pathetic because sa paraan mang yun, kahit sa katauhan ng iba maramdaman ko man lng yung pagmamahal niya, ganun ako kasabik sa pagmamahal niya, kung alam niya lang.
but still nasasaktan ako, sa daloy ng conversation niya with anonymous, i still felt cheated, tipong how can he said i love u so easily to other people, so i cant see any value of that word anymore, pag sinabi niyang i love u , parang ganun na lang, ganun lang yun,
ngayon lng ka chat ko siya, he was willing na magpadala ng pera para makabili ako ng cellphone, i mean si anonymous, padadala na siya bukas, i can accept that if i want to, pero hindi, kapag akusap niya ako, madami siyang daing, na nahihirapan siya sa work niya, kesyo di ko na daw alam kung kumakain pa siya, kung saan siya kumukuha ng pera, pero he was willing to give money to anonymous...
i always ask myself why i keep on doing this, chatting with him as anonymous pero nasasaktan lang ako, kasi there i always realize what he was doing to me
napapatunayan ko lng sa sarili ko kung ano siya, but i'm afraid pag hininto ko ito, makatagpo siya ng babaeng kukuha nga sa mga offers niya,
i want to scream , i want to die... god knows i been in misery for long
I found out that i have a high blood preassure, i told him and guess what he said.
"Pa insured ka, di ako papayag na mamatay ka ng walang pakinabang ang mga bata."
Gosh how many times did he have to torment me????
April 22, 2006
January 27, 2006
Last year i've found out that my husband was going gaga over some 17 year old girl, to the point that he was spending money for some magic spells and witch craft for the girl to like him too, I was so hurt, betrayed, disgusted and sad at the same time. I wonder how could he do that? while he was always telling me he had no money to give me and our four children, then i will find out that he was spending money for that crap! how pathetic!, when i confronted him, he didn't admit, and ask the person who told me that if ever I ask that person about that, don't ever admit, but the person told my husband that she already told me everything and she doesnt want to continue that spells, Do you know what hurt the most? he told me that he only did that because the girl was rich and he wanted to lend money, bullshit! what a lie, and he was only doing that thiking our future, how bullshit that can be, I forgive him , when he said that he would stop.
three months after, I found out that he has a son to another woman, eight months younger to my eldest son, I felt so devastated, I can't accept, I almost gone crazy, but in the end I forgive him, because theres nothing for me to do but to accept.
A year after, I notice that he was so eager to talk to his sister, and when he wasnt able to talk to his sister, he was mad and throw his anger to me, one day i can't help but wonder what is it that they are talking about? why he was so work up when he wasnt able to talk to his sister, I 've found out the details about what happened a year ago,
the 17 yrs old girl accourding to my sister in law, and she said it was based on what her brother told her, shows motive to my husband that she likes him, then my husband so full of crap falls in love with her, he even cooked for her, and one day because of the advise of the woman who was doing the magic spells he hug the girl and someone see them and told the girls mother what he did, they got mad at him, and because my husband was under the agency the girls mother own, my husband was fired. till then my husband wasnt able to get a nice job, and me including my children suffer, sometimes my husband will say that he left the agency because he doesnt want me to think about what happened, in other words he again use me as an excuse, (really adding insult to injury) go back to what my sister in law and my husband talking about, my husband always talks about how mad he is, and i think hurt because that girl has boyfriend, and treated him like he had some kind of disease, it hurts me to know that he was jealous and wanted to lessen it by talking to his sister and he gets mad at me when he can't talk to his sister.
BTW my husband was planning to file a divorce because according to him that was the only thing he can do to have legal papers, at first i didnt agree, but he told me i was being selfish, and self centered, i have no choice but to agree, he even told me that the lawyer said that the possible grounds must because i have a third party and the custody of the children should be given to him, he told me that it was just a phony, but i can't accept that.
I feel so wrench right now, i dont know what to do, and to think, yesterday i found out that my dad has cancer and needed big amount of money for the treatment, im the eldest but I can't do anything, I felt that the world is crashing right in front of me, and all i can do is to wait for my last breath.
three months after, I found out that he has a son to another woman, eight months younger to my eldest son, I felt so devastated, I can't accept, I almost gone crazy, but in the end I forgive him, because theres nothing for me to do but to accept.
A year after, I notice that he was so eager to talk to his sister, and when he wasnt able to talk to his sister, he was mad and throw his anger to me, one day i can't help but wonder what is it that they are talking about? why he was so work up when he wasnt able to talk to his sister, I 've found out the details about what happened a year ago,
the 17 yrs old girl accourding to my sister in law, and she said it was based on what her brother told her, shows motive to my husband that she likes him, then my husband so full of crap falls in love with her, he even cooked for her, and one day because of the advise of the woman who was doing the magic spells he hug the girl and someone see them and told the girls mother what he did, they got mad at him, and because my husband was under the agency the girls mother own, my husband was fired. till then my husband wasnt able to get a nice job, and me including my children suffer, sometimes my husband will say that he left the agency because he doesnt want me to think about what happened, in other words he again use me as an excuse, (really adding insult to injury) go back to what my sister in law and my husband talking about, my husband always talks about how mad he is, and i think hurt because that girl has boyfriend, and treated him like he had some kind of disease, it hurts me to know that he was jealous and wanted to lessen it by talking to his sister and he gets mad at me when he can't talk to his sister.
BTW my husband was planning to file a divorce because according to him that was the only thing he can do to have legal papers, at first i didnt agree, but he told me i was being selfish, and self centered, i have no choice but to agree, he even told me that the lawyer said that the possible grounds must because i have a third party and the custody of the children should be given to him, he told me that it was just a phony, but i can't accept that.
I feel so wrench right now, i dont know what to do, and to think, yesterday i found out that my dad has cancer and needed big amount of money for the treatment, im the eldest but I can't do anything, I felt that the world is crashing right in front of me, and all i can do is to wait for my last breath.
September 06, 2005
Fuck You!
My twins birthday is on wednesday, my husband was the one who was telling me to buy something for the two, now that I told him i need money, he cursed me and throw badwordson me, how long does 2500PHP can last for a family of six, plus baon and other expenses, does he expecting na umabot ng one month yun? I know he's sacrifices, i know his hardship, but is that enough reason para lait laitin niya ako, at mura murahin? Fuck! he took me so young and he expected me to produce money? I didnt finish my college because he got me pregnant when i was seventeen, while he was on the other hand already thirty-five years old then, I was the sole caretaker of my four kids, how am i supposed to look for an income, with those kids tagging on me? he could got someone na may pera na, it was his fault isa siyang cradle snatcher, mahilig siya sa bata,He never treated me as a wife, turing niya saakin yaya lng ng mga anak niya, i told him payag na akong magasawa siya, to hell with him! what's the difference! para na rin lumaya na ako, i needed to be free.....
September 05, 2005
Chapter III
My current mood:
Chapter III
Monday, check up ni gina pumunta siya sa OPD, siya ang duty, tinimbang ni thor si gina kinunan ng BP at iba pa, after niyang timbangin si gina may inabot siyang papel dito.
Binuklat agad ni gina ang papel dahil bka may laman n nmn itong pera, pero isa pala itong note.
"I'm staring at you right now.... God you're so pretty!"
Pag lingon niya ay nakaupo sa isang monoblock chair si thor at nakatingin nga sa kanya. She felt her face flushed. Pagkatapos ng check up na yun, naulit pa ang mga pagtawag tawag ni thor at pagdalaw kay gina, Isang hapon dinalaw ni thor si gina sa bahay, tinanong nito kung may chance ba siya kay gina, rank from 1 to 10 ano daw ang standing nito. sabi ni gina 7 pero hindi satisfied si thor sa 7, at sabi pa nito, hindi daw ito naniniwala sa long courtship. Mahabang katahimikan ang bumalot sa kanilang dalawa. mayamaya ay nagsalita si gina.
"Sa totoo lng hindi ko talaga alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko para sayo, inaamin ko magaang ang loob ko sayo, pero di ako sigurado kung ang pakiramdam na yuon ay pagmamahal bilang girlfriend at boyfriend, maaring turing kapatid o tito kaya." Paliwanag ni Gina, ang totoo wala pa sa isip niya ang pagkakaroon ng boyfriend sa edad niyang katorse, wala pa siyang plano.
Umalis ng hapon na yun si thor, naghiwalay sila ni gina na alam nilang tapos na, na hanggang duon na lng sila.
Kinuwento ni gina sa mommy niya ang mga pangyayari.
"Ayaw mo ba sa kanya?" tanong ng mommy niya.
"Hindi nmn sa ayaw, pero di ko rin siya type." sagot nmn niya.
"Hindi ka ba nanghihinayang sa kanya, tapos na ng pagaaral at may disenteng trabaho, kaysa nmn sa kasing edad mo."
"Ewan ko ba, di na babalik yun."
"Bakit di mo subukan, subukan mong magboyfriend, para alam mo diba." Sabi ng mommy niya.
"Pero hindi na babalik yun my,"
"Ako bahala, basta pag bumalik sabihin mo sinasagot mo na siya , okay?"
Nagkibit balikat lamang si gina, sa totoo lang medyo naexcite siya sa sinabi ng mommy niya, marami siyang classmate na tinatago at nililihim ang pakikipagrelasyon sa mga magulang, eto siya at ang mismong mommy niya pa ang nagbibigay basbas na makipag boyfriend siya, sino siya para tumangi sa bagong karanasang iyon, bagaman si John pa rin ang gusto niya.
July 4, 1994, 12 pm Martes dumating si thor sa bahay nila,
"Pumunta mommy mo sa hospital."
"Anong sabi?"
"Sinabi na nanalo daw ako sa karera."
"Karera?"
"OO, sabi ko nga, hindi ho misis."
"tapos?"
"sabi niya, 'nanalo ka pala kay gina'"
"Ganun?"
Tumahimik silang dalawa.
"Mahal mo ba ko?" tanong ni thor.
Tinaas ni gina ang dalawang kilay niya bilang pagsagot. nakita niyang ngumiti si thor.
Magkatabi sila sa upuan sa sofa sa ilalim ng hagdanan, breaktime lang nila thor , humarap sa kanya si thor at hinalkan siya sa labi,
Pakiramdam ni gina gusto niyang umiyak, hindi ang inaasahan niyang tulad ng mga nasa pocketbook ang naramdaman niya, yung bang parang may fireworks, gusto niyang umiyak , dahil nahalikan na siya, kahit dampi lang, pakiramdam niya di na siya karapatdapat kay John dahil may nakauna ng halik sa kanya.
Di siya nagpahalata pero natigilan siya, hanggang sa magpaalam si thor sa kanya para bumalik sa hospital.
Pagkaalis ni thor ay nagpakuwento sa kanya ang mommy niya, kinuwento niya na nahalikan siya at gusto niyang maiiyak, sabi ng mommy niya okay lng daw yun.
-------------
Huwebes ng hapon, bisita niya si thor, nakikinig sila ng music, ng halikan siya ulit, nanlaki ang mata ni gina ng bigla na lng damhin ni thor ang kanyang dibdib, tinulak niya ito at umiyak siya, pakiramdam niya ay nabastos siya.
Nasa kabilang upuan siya at patuloy na umiiyak, humihingi naman ng sorry si thor inabot nito ang panyo sa kanya, nakita ng mommy ni gina na umiiyak siya, tinanong ng mommy niya si thor kung bakit, sagot naman ni thor, "Ewan ko po sa kanya.."
Nangako si thor na hindi na daw niya uulitin, not without her consent na para bang siguradong sigurado ito na sa susunod ay papayag na si gina.
-------
Chapter III
Monday, check up ni gina pumunta siya sa OPD, siya ang duty, tinimbang ni thor si gina kinunan ng BP at iba pa, after niyang timbangin si gina may inabot siyang papel dito.
Binuklat agad ni gina ang papel dahil bka may laman n nmn itong pera, pero isa pala itong note.
"I'm staring at you right now.... God you're so pretty!"
Pag lingon niya ay nakaupo sa isang monoblock chair si thor at nakatingin nga sa kanya. She felt her face flushed. Pagkatapos ng check up na yun, naulit pa ang mga pagtawag tawag ni thor at pagdalaw kay gina, Isang hapon dinalaw ni thor si gina sa bahay, tinanong nito kung may chance ba siya kay gina, rank from 1 to 10 ano daw ang standing nito. sabi ni gina 7 pero hindi satisfied si thor sa 7, at sabi pa nito, hindi daw ito naniniwala sa long courtship. Mahabang katahimikan ang bumalot sa kanilang dalawa. mayamaya ay nagsalita si gina.
"Sa totoo lng hindi ko talaga alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko para sayo, inaamin ko magaang ang loob ko sayo, pero di ako sigurado kung ang pakiramdam na yuon ay pagmamahal bilang girlfriend at boyfriend, maaring turing kapatid o tito kaya." Paliwanag ni Gina, ang totoo wala pa sa isip niya ang pagkakaroon ng boyfriend sa edad niyang katorse, wala pa siyang plano.
Umalis ng hapon na yun si thor, naghiwalay sila ni gina na alam nilang tapos na, na hanggang duon na lng sila.
Kinuwento ni gina sa mommy niya ang mga pangyayari.
"Ayaw mo ba sa kanya?" tanong ng mommy niya.
"Hindi nmn sa ayaw, pero di ko rin siya type." sagot nmn niya.
"Hindi ka ba nanghihinayang sa kanya, tapos na ng pagaaral at may disenteng trabaho, kaysa nmn sa kasing edad mo."
"Ewan ko ba, di na babalik yun."
"Bakit di mo subukan, subukan mong magboyfriend, para alam mo diba." Sabi ng mommy niya.
"Pero hindi na babalik yun my,"
"Ako bahala, basta pag bumalik sabihin mo sinasagot mo na siya , okay?"
Nagkibit balikat lamang si gina, sa totoo lang medyo naexcite siya sa sinabi ng mommy niya, marami siyang classmate na tinatago at nililihim ang pakikipagrelasyon sa mga magulang, eto siya at ang mismong mommy niya pa ang nagbibigay basbas na makipag boyfriend siya, sino siya para tumangi sa bagong karanasang iyon, bagaman si John pa rin ang gusto niya.
July 4, 1994, 12 pm Martes dumating si thor sa bahay nila,
"Pumunta mommy mo sa hospital."
"Anong sabi?"
"Sinabi na nanalo daw ako sa karera."
"Karera?"
"OO, sabi ko nga, hindi ho misis."
"tapos?"
"sabi niya, 'nanalo ka pala kay gina'"
"Ganun?"
Tumahimik silang dalawa.
"Mahal mo ba ko?" tanong ni thor.
Tinaas ni gina ang dalawang kilay niya bilang pagsagot. nakita niyang ngumiti si thor.
Magkatabi sila sa upuan sa sofa sa ilalim ng hagdanan, breaktime lang nila thor , humarap sa kanya si thor at hinalkan siya sa labi,
Pakiramdam ni gina gusto niyang umiyak, hindi ang inaasahan niyang tulad ng mga nasa pocketbook ang naramdaman niya, yung bang parang may fireworks, gusto niyang umiyak , dahil nahalikan na siya, kahit dampi lang, pakiramdam niya di na siya karapatdapat kay John dahil may nakauna ng halik sa kanya.
Di siya nagpahalata pero natigilan siya, hanggang sa magpaalam si thor sa kanya para bumalik sa hospital.
Pagkaalis ni thor ay nagpakuwento sa kanya ang mommy niya, kinuwento niya na nahalikan siya at gusto niyang maiiyak, sabi ng mommy niya okay lng daw yun.
-------------
Huwebes ng hapon, bisita niya si thor, nakikinig sila ng music, ng halikan siya ulit, nanlaki ang mata ni gina ng bigla na lng damhin ni thor ang kanyang dibdib, tinulak niya ito at umiyak siya, pakiramdam niya ay nabastos siya.
Nasa kabilang upuan siya at patuloy na umiiyak, humihingi naman ng sorry si thor inabot nito ang panyo sa kanya, nakita ng mommy ni gina na umiiyak siya, tinanong ng mommy niya si thor kung bakit, sagot naman ni thor, "Ewan ko po sa kanya.."
Nangako si thor na hindi na daw niya uulitin, not without her consent na para bang siguradong sigurado ito na sa susunod ay papayag na si gina.
-------
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